I don't post very much, I do read on here a lot, but I feel like two years of this journey warrants an update. Year two has been a journey for sure! For the most part I am over the shock and horror of year one. I have weathered the storm of uncontrollable emotions, over-analyzing every single thing, being anxious to go out for fear of triggering, the list goes on and on... Year two for us has been more about working together as a team such as being on the same page in our parenting, our decision making as a family, the things that have always been struggle for us in the past. We are finding a balance finally after 21 years!! Has it been easy? Absolutely not!! But I will say emotionally it has been easier. I confess that I still have my moments when things are off kilter that I revert back to obsessing and dwelling on A related stuff, just not nearly as often. Now my FWH on the other hand is still having a hard time with guilt and anger within himself. I would love for him to have continued IC and worked through these issues but it wasn't for him. I am the type of person who wants to deal with it, no matter what it is, and move on. He would rather not think about it or deal with it, but hope that it goes away with time. He seems to have more anxiety and self doubt now that he did a year ago. I am doing what I can to help him but I can't fix it for him, he has to do that on his own. He knows that his issues have a tendency to turn to anger and that is one of our biggest obstacles right now. All I can do is love him and support him and let him know that I'm here if he needs me.
I love my husband. He is good man, he works hard, and he loves me and his children. He made a terrible decision that crushed me and it almost cost us everything. I see his remorse every single day and I am thankful for it every single day. We have worked hard to get where we are and I am very proud of US!
I am also thankful for the wonderful people on this site. It's so good to know that there are people you can talk to that are going through the same awful pain and struggles. If any of you are like me, I don't like to dump my problems on my friends, most of them can't relate anyway. It's awesome to know there is a place to find support and people who really do understand what you are going through. Much love to all of you!