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Newest Member: Sunflower96

Reconciliation :
I don't think I'll ever trust him.

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 Flatlined123 (original poster member #35862) posted at 11:35 PM on Tuesday, October 8th, 2013

Stupidly I updated our iPad. Well, the new update has "private" web searching. Meaning you can look at anything and it won't show up in history.

H says he's not using it. Says he gets it that behavior of looking at porn hurts me, but I don't think I believe it.

I have long ago realized I can not and will not police him. I realized today I don't trust him not to hurt me. I know if I was sick, hurt or in trouble he'd be there for me. The problem is that I don't think he sees what a slippery slope the pictures are.

Now I need to decide what to do. He's doing everything he can, but I don't trust him.

Is that just me or am I missing something that's making me feel this way? I don't know.

Me: BS H: WS4 kids DD #1 7-11-08DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.Started R in 12-09"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

posts: 1084   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2012
id 6515905
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pewpewpew ( member #38116) posted at 11:40 PM on Tuesday, October 8th, 2013

You will, eventually.

To an extent.

You need to realize that the life you once knew and trusted, has ended.

You will find a new reality. A new relationship.

It's not easy. None of this is. Betrayal is a eye opener. It's earth shattering. Let it be. Feel all you should and go through the normal healing process.

You will get there, I promise.

Give it time.

BS - 32
DDay 1: July 2012 - EA with COW
DDay 2: March 2015; same COW

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, pack your shit and get out.

Fool me twice, now what?!?!

posts: 397   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013
id 6515911
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I think I can ( member #17756) posted at 2:49 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

It does get better, a lot better, but worry still flares up for me from time to time. And I check, and find nothing and it goes away.

I find that if I DON'T check, I start freaking out. So I just check, so my amygdala is appeased.

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

posts: 9046   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2008
id 6516184
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 Flatlined123 (original poster member #35862) posted at 3:10 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

That's the problem! With the private feature I can't check.

I could before and when I occasionally would check, always found nothing, but now it's not an option. I'm making myself crazy over this.

Me: BS H: WS4 kids DD #1 7-11-08DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.Started R in 12-09"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

posts: 1084   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2012
id 6516218
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cantaccept ( member #37451) posted at 11:24 AM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

Our computer has this same stupid feature.

I hate it.

I just wish that I didn't have the need to check.

I wish there was a way to disable it.

I don't check a lot anymore just when the anxiety builds. Then sometimes now I think, why bother, he will do what he will. That seems to come when I feel like I don't care.

I don't know if I will ever feel safe again.

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 6516458
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I think I can ( member #17756) posted at 12:47 PM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

Actually, I do that too. FWH and OW work together--they could certainly be chatting it up (but I don't think they are.)

I check what I can, and tell myself that IF something goes on, I will find out about eventually. I will know what to do. I know I will be OK. It will be very sad, but I will do what needs to be done. Reminding myself that I have myself to rely on makes me feel calmer. So I guess I trust myself.

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

posts: 9046   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2008
id 6516488
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lovemy3boys ( new member #40920) posted at 12:49 PM on Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

I'm going through the same thing! My hubby was sexting another girl (not physical)

I can't get over the hurt and don't think I can ever trust him again

I too refuse to 24/7 have to check up on him, that type of life isn't worth my time. They are grown men if they want to be jerks then fine.

Are you guys going to counseling?

posts: 14   ·   registered: Oct. 8th, 2013   ·   location: florida
id 6516490
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 Flatlined123 (original poster member #35862) posted at 2:50 AM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013

No we're not in MC. We tried it and the therapist wasn't a good fit. I didn't like her.

We're rural and there aren't many to choose from. Plus there's the issue of a babysitter.

H didn't care for counseling very much. I think we'd benefit from it. If only for me to spill my guts about how I feel and have some one interpret it for H.

It seems like once he gets it and I feel validated I'm ok, but then another point comes up and it starts all over again.

I just want the life I thought I had back. I want to feel safe again. I want a H that didn't betray me. Infidelity so sucks!

Me: BS H: WS4 kids DD #1 7-11-08DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.Started R in 12-09"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

posts: 1084   ·   registered: Jun. 16th, 2012
id 6517756
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