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Totally lost it, good and bad.

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sunsetslost posted 10/8/2013 18:13 PM

I got a call from STBX today. Her application to refinance the house and get my name off of it has passed the most critical hurdles. It looks like a go. The house is the last thing holding me here and keeping me from starting over After I hung up I finished what I was doing and then I lost it. It came out of nowhere. I felt every human emotion there is all at once. Sadness, hope, anticipation, fear, anger, joy, freedom, regret, loss.....you name it. I had to pull over. I cried and laughed at the same time. When I looked up, my car was surrounded by butterflies. I've thought about butterflies for most of this ordeal. From crawling on the ground to the cocoon and finally turning into something beautiful and flying again. it was cold today where I am. They shouldn't be out.

kg201 posted 10/8/2013 18:22 PM

Sunsets, don't some butterflies migrate to/from the Gulf? They're just trying to show you the way.

I was feeling something similar today...a mixture of sadness and (in my case) indifference. My lawyer will be filing for me in the next few days...I've had enough. The sadness comes from the fact that i still love the woman I thought she was, and I am sad about her health. The indifference comes from the incredulity that she believes I have controlled her for years and that I have made her do things she hasn't wanted to. I gave her a daughter when she threatened to leave me if I didn't. I stayed by her side for 9 years and she claims I didn't care. I've just had enough.

Congrats on the house. You're almost there. And then it will be nothing more than an experience to have learned from.

dmari posted 10/8/2013 18:30 PM

I am so sorry that all those emotions hit you out of nowhere but wow ... what a sign from above that your new beginnings is waiting for you.

I actually connected with butterflies too throughout this ordeal. I felt like my stbx had thrown a grenade in our lives which injured but didn't kill us while he walked away. I then visioned the children and I healing and starting our new beginning as butterflies. I actually found a picture of a grenade and a butterfly and wanted to share it with you.

gypsybird87 posted 10/8/2013 18:33 PM

*goosebumps*

What an awesome post. Your cocoon is starting to crack open, sunsets. Of course it hurts, but what an amazing, beautiful, exciting, scary, incredible journey you're about to start on.

So happy for you, and so looking forward to when I reach that place too.

laney57 posted 10/8/2013 18:35 PM

Sunset,
Those butterflies are tell you to get moving... You're almost there. I so know what you mean with the emotions all at the same time. I often think I'm losing my mind, but it passes and I just get back on track. You are human and have been through the ringer, friend.
Take good care of yourself tonight.

SBB posted 10/8/2013 19:52 PM

I love this. The symbolism is achingly beautiful. What a sparkle moment.

The bouts of crying used to be crippling but now they are cleansing. I embrace them. I let them wash over me and make me clean.

FaithFool posted 10/8/2013 21:06 PM

Wow. Just... Wow! You were blessed with a moment of magic there.

Onward and upward. I'm guessing you are about done cocooning...

Ashland13 posted 10/9/2013 10:13 AM

Time to soar, like the butterflies, Sunsets.

Time to soar.

One summer I planted several different types of butterfly bushes in the yard and earned some pretty amazingly colored butterflies on them. Maybe in your new place if it's the right zone, a butterfly bush outside your favorite window could carry on the symbolism for a long time to come.

FWIW, the white bush got the most variety.

And all around us the world is changing...every aspect will be different in your new life and that's a good, good thing.

jackie89 posted 10/9/2013 10:41 AM

Your post totally gave me goosebumps.

It will get easier...

And I loved what SBB said: This totally described how I've felt, but didn't know how to put it into words.

The bouts of crying used to be crippling but now they are cleansing. I embrace them. I let them wash over me and make me clean.

[This message edited by jackie89 at 10:42 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

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