Sorry, this is going to be long, but I don't know where to start except the beginning.
My husband of three years (together for five) had been acting strange, spending more time away from home etc. I was sick and he said he'd stop by the pharmacy on his way home from the gym one day. Four hours later he came back with some weird, flimsy excuse about what took so long. The second I questioned him about where he was, he got eerily flat and said he was leaving me for another woman. I started crying and tried to get him to explain but he was gone in literally ten minutes. He packed a few things and took off, saying we could talk the next morning.
He didnt answer his phone and I had no idea where he was. He never called or showed up the next morning at the agreed upon time. A few days later he sent me an email that he was coming by to pick up some of his things that next friday, one week to the day after he left. While he was there he started to get emotional, but only stayed a few minutes (I found out later he had the OW waiting for him in the car at the front of our apartment building.)
Obviously this was the worst week of my life. Besides being really sick, I was completely blindsided and had to explain all this to my almost teenage son (his step-son) in a roundabout way, because I didnt want to badmouth him. The next day he called late that night. I almost didnt answer but for some stupid reason I did. The first words out of his mouth were I want to come home?!?
I said no, but we talked (Mostly I yelled) for a few hours. He said he broke all contact with the OW and was staying with a friend. We've talked mostly over the phone and saw each other a few times over the last few weeks.
He swore, with tears in his eyes, on his parents graves that he didnt sleep with her. He said they did kiss, once, and that kiss let him know he didnt really have feelings for her and that he wanted to be with me.
One night a week ago when my son was with his father I had a few drinks and we talked on the phone. I invited him over. We agreed to go to marriage counseling and see what happens, but honestly my trust was pretty much already shattered. One thing led to another and we ended up being intimate. I had a lot of mixed emotions after and almost wished I hadn't but part of me was hopeful. Up until this we've had a good relationship. He's been mostly a great husband and has been more of a father to my son that his real dad.
Something nagged at me though. A few days ago I sent a facebook message to the OW. She told me in a very snarky, rude way that they did have sex, twice, with no protection in his car. She told me lots of personal things about myself and our marriage that she could have only heard from him, and let me know this had been going on longer than he'd let on.
I called him at work so hysterical he left early and came home to confirm everything she said.
Over the past few weeks we have spent countless hours talking and crying and I thought making progress. Turns out everything he told me was a lie. To add insult to injury, this girl is twelve years younger than me. He had known her for about a month before they had sex, and he even told her he loved her, after only a few weeks.
We had just told my son we were working things out, and he was ecstatic. Even my family was okay, and some of them were happy that we were going to stick it out because besides this he's been such a good guy. We are supposed to go to our first marriage counseling appointment next wednesday.
Now he cant seem to understand why I'm so furious and tearful again. First off I'm worried about STDs and have to get tested, plus he's been so adamant that he DID NOT sleep with her, then come to find out he did. I told him today he needs to go back to his friends house because I am honestly afraid of being physically violent towards him.
As far as I knew we really did have a good relationship. He never expressed any concerns or anything. The only thing that has changed is he's lost a considerable amount of weight in the last year. I have been very supportive of him during this process. When we first met he was morbidly obese, which I overlooked because he had such a good heart, or I thought he did. As far as I was concerned his weightloss meant I might actually get to spend the rest of my life with him instead of just the next decade or so.
I feel so stupid right now and lost. My first husband cheated on me too. My mother, in I think a well meaning attempt at comforting, told me my father had cheated on her years ago and they got through it. I'm just starting to think there is no such thing as monogamy. Everyone else already knew but no one bothered to tell me.