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lostkittykitty posted 10/8/2013 19:08 PM

My D-Day was about a week ago. I found out (for sure) that my boyfriend had been emailing and texting people off craigslist. This has been going on (on and off) since we first got together almost three years ago. We live together and have a one year old son together. To this point he has sworn that it was just messages and it never went very far with anyone. We went to our first counseling session today and I guess I thought that we just had to go to counseling and the truth would come out and that would be it but at the session we never even really talked about it. I don't know what to do because I want to believe him that it was only messages and nothing else but I feel like that's not true. He has only ever admitted to the things that I had proof of and feel like that's all he will ever admit to. I don't know what to do and I can already feel myself started to "not care" and thinking about just moving on which is not something that I want to do. I just feel like I'm not ready to break everything up and loose my current life so I am willing to just "suck it up" and I know that that's not right and that it's not fair to myself. I had read all the articles and in the beginning they made a lot of sense but I can already feel myself slipping into old ways of just yessing him because I'm afraid of the conflict it will start if I try to dig further. I guess I'm just looking for advice and wanted to know if anyone else was in a similar situation where it was only messages or the best ways for me to find out if it was more. TIA for any responses.

emotionalgirl posted 10/8/2013 19:54 PM

Lostkitty...keep in mind that just messages is still an A. It is no different than saying it was just an emotional affair. He still stepped away from his relationship with you.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to walk away from your current life. I too said that in the beginning, as I have been married 25 yrs. I am lucky we are looking towards R.

Take time for you right now and take care of yourself and your son. Don't make any hard decisions yet, there is no pressure or time line. My advice would be to keep reading, if you are afraid of conflict you may be just like myself...a co dependant spouse. If you feel that is so, then the book "Codependant No More" is a great read.

If you can afford IC do so, consider doing the 180 for your own strength so that you can create an environment where you can make decisions. The other thing to consider is seeing a lawyer...just to get advice on what you are entitled to should the relationship break up. You deserve to have information to protect yourself and your son.

Good luck, may you find your path.

caregiver9000 posted 10/8/2013 21:26 PM

(((hugs)))

I don't know whether you will want to read my "history" or not. It began much like your post with a Craigslist "I just write and answer ads!" declaration and ended less than a year later with much much more than that as the truth.

I want to assure you that I feel your pain, I understand the confusion and the desire to believe it is "just ads" as he says ... BUT I caution you to beware. Prepare for worse. Be vigilant. Begin to line up financial and emotional security for yourself, whatever that looks like.

Best of luck, and know that you are supported here, regardless of what you discover or decide to do.

PS. you can read a profile by clicking on the smiley face in the upper right corner of my post or any other member as well.

SerJR posted 10/9/2013 15:35 PM

(((lostkitty)))

Spending your time and emotional energy pretending there is no problem is like sitting in a rocking chair when the house is on fire. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere.

Regardless of whether or not he is "just having a laugh on craiglist" (bullshit), his behavior is extremely selfish, hurtful, and disrespectful.

Why do you want to believe there is no problem? Why do you think you are afraid to stand up for yourself? Why do you think you deserve this?

You have worth. Don't give that away. Don't ever forget that.

Take some time and think about what you really want. What would your ideal version of yourself do? When you're lost, you gotta look deep inside to find your way.

Exit Wounds posted 10/10/2013 08:41 AM

I don't know what to do because I want to believe him that it was only messages and nothing else but I feel like that's not true. He has only ever admitted to the things that I had proof of and feel like that's all he will ever admit to.

Listen to your gut! -It never lies...

Having said that. You need to slow down and realize what the facts are. He is potentially cheating far more than what he is willing to admit to. Now it is your turn to find out what it is YOU and your baby need/want.

If you knew that you could not change him, would you stay? Why or why not?

That answer will help you walk in the right direction.

I am so sorry that you find yourself here. One piece of advice, if you do sleep with him, make sure you use condoms. The last thing you need is another baby or an STD!

Hang in there, keep posting. We are here and we care!