So I stopped by the house to make sure he didn't smash my belongings or do any damage. He took all of his things and furniture that was his out of the house. This must have been easy for him as I had already packed up most of his belongings in boxes during the last 7 months.
When I left last week, under the advice of my attorney, I left in the middle of the day. I only had time to get the essentials, pack up the baby, the dogs, clothes for me and I got the hell out of dodge. I had dirty dishes in the sink and dirty floors. I work full time, was taking care of a baby and two dogs by myself.
When I walked in the house I was a little scared. Was just going in for 5 minutes and there in the kitchen was a note for me. He arranged three bottles of cleaning supplies and left a note with arrows pointing to the cleaning supplies. He wrote:
These are called cleaning supplies. You should use them from time to time. This house is filthy and disgusting.
He also left the vacuum cleaner standing upright on my bed.
On the upside, he cleaned my dirty dishes for me. I wanted so badly to call him or email him and bitch him out. How can someone who abandoned their wife and 2 week old baby criticize me. And this was a long standing critique in our marriage. He did NOTHING around the house and expected me to do everything. We both work full time. He even used this as a justification for his affair...the one he had while his wife was pregnant!
He is filthy and disgusting. I will never let him know that his parting shot made me cry.....I know the further away I get from this situation, the more I'll see the emotional abuse I suffered from this 15 year old boy trapped in a mans body.
Same boat here, actually it's very similar but you had the courage to move before I did.
I am the stayed spouse trying to stay in our home but we're not being "allowed". I have a week and a half old son and a puberty age daughter and an elder cat, all high maintenance and no help.
X is wanting the money he thinks our house will generate but doing 0 to help get it ready for sale. It is deteriorating and is all I can do to do daily maintenance. I've started to live only in part of the house and shut down some of it and still can hardly keep up with these two kids.
Today is X's birthday and I am struggling to not send a greeting. He sent them on mine last year but he's caused so much more hurt that I can't bear to let myself, yet I will have guilt if the whole day and night go by and I don't. Why is that?
Yes, like you have, X spends much time fault finding and he uses this to justify his life with OW. He tried to tell me it was my fault he had an affair and cyber cheated in the first place! Then came back for false R and ran off again.
He does cleaning chores, but only minimum if someone of his siblings is coming or something, it's a very strange situation. Sometimes he'll get one to come help move his stuff out or do lawn maintenance.
We are out of wood, have no oil plan and he is complaining about money because he has a new place, but blaming expenses on DD, DS and me. This I don't understand or fall for.
Like you, I was packing his things for a while, trying to make room so I could clean and move in DS stuff, but I stopped doing that now. I realized that I was making it too easy for X and I don't want to anymore.
And today's mail had some bills he defaulted on that have nothing to do with me but got attached to my name!
No way, ho-say.
I wish you peace and like you, I try to ignore the barbs and insults, but it's hard.
He's pushing to tell me about his new life now, saying I won't be "afraid of it" if I know about it, but I can't stand it. He said if I knew OW I could relax and that DD will be safe there with him. I don't even know him anymore. ????
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
-George Washington
He is filthy and disgusting.
and no amount of 'cleaning supplies' is going to help him out with that.
This is a wedding ring. It means that you're committed to one person. You should try it sometime. No amount of cleaning supplies can clean the filth off of some broken marriage vows.
DDay #1 03/07/2011 DDay#2 04/08/2011 Four Children 2 DS 13, 9 2 DD 11, 6
In Recovery
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Fuck.That.Guy.
There 'aint a chemical in the world that can make that fuckers conscience clean.
Let him knock himself out projecting.
Someday soon you will look back at this and you won't cry - first you'll get hopping mad and then you'll shake your head. A normal person does not do what he has done, is doing.
Scumbag.
I hate him for you.
Happy new beginning for you. You get to make your life and your child's life whole, healthy and marvelous without that rusty anchor dragging you down.
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 10:41 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]
FTG a million times over. He is filthy and disgusting and should hang his head in shame for eternity for what he's done.
I'm glad you moved far away and have the help and support of your parents. This guy is rotten to the core and while you don't see it now, it's actually a blessing that he made it so easy to run away from that M. Let him project his own filth onto someone else now.
Good news is the further you get into healing; the less his BS opinions will matter.
Something that totally grates your nerves today, will just warrant an eyeroll down the road.
You will get there - stay strong!
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov "Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
You know exactly what this is. You should use it to go fuck yourself. YOU are filthy and disgusting.
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
I am an asshole. I'm going to say something snarky, mean, and totally unjustified to you because it makes me feel better about myself since I am an asshole.
See? It's not about your cleaning habits. It's all about him!
(((NewMom0220)))
Or posted them on FB so everyone can see what a jerk he is.
- what a douche! - FTG!
Stay strong and hugs.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
