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Taurus517 posted 10/9/2013 09:52 AM

Today is not a good day. I'm just going straight to the point on this one. In regards to remembering things I understand where it can help. During this past 4 years of our relationships I have done a lot of stupid things from actions to verbal. There are things I really can't remember until BS mentions it and it triggers a memory or I really can't remember.
No matter how much I think about and dig for it I can't remember. So what do you do at that point??
Does not remembering equal to you not caring at all in a relationship ??
I wish I can take back everything I have done in this relationship and start over and do it right. I don't have a time machine and I wish I do, all I can do is change who I am to not be that person anymore by being more aware and more in tune with myself and my emotions and do it right this time and not go back down that path. Is that the wrong method to do ??
What do I do in terms of not remembering and to prove that I can change ??
I know I fucked up and certain things I can't remember with that how do I make it safe ?? I know overall the bad I have done in our relationship, I guess it's not enough. I have read posts with WS and BS and Madhatters that have similar issues and just want advice

Lucky2HaveMe posted 10/9/2013 10:02 AM

The not remembering is perhaps the worst part of all this mess for a BS. To ask a question and get "I don't remember" as the answer feels like avoidance. My H was/is a master at compartmentalizing - packing things away in a neat little box in his mind to never be thought of again. It's hard.

Have you done a written timeline? If yes, have you revisited it often to see if things you wrote may trigger more info that your BS needs/wants?

It may be helpful to examine, for yourself, why you don't remember - are you protecting yourself? do you think you are protecting your BS?

Taurus517 posted 10/9/2013 22:37 PM

@Lucky2HaveMe thanks. Yes I'm working on the timeline which I have been the most precise on because my BS has been asking for it. Just reading the different posts and in regards to timeline and having talks with my BS, recalling details is important.

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