I wanted to see if paying you $1000 extra a month towards arrears is okay with you. Under the current situation there is no way I will be able to come up with even half the full amount by November 20th. Based on my new inciome and budget this is the absolute best I can offer to do and still actually be able to eat food and put gas in my car. If this will work for you let me know and I will go ahead and transfer the first $1000 for October.
I spoke with the lawyers office and they confirmed that the amount is to be paid in 6 months, not 3. The paperwork is being redrawn. The due date would be from the original signing in August so that puts it at February. I have been advised that I do not need to go around the court order by allowing arrangements outside what the judge ordered and arrears need to be paid before the February deadline. If you'd like to go ahead and start paying towards the arrears, of course that is fine and appreciated.
then poopsmear sent 3 emails in reply:
Knock off this, "Ive been advised" crap. I am sick of the legal shenanigans. Neither of those two Lawyers give a crap what is going on with our lives. I need your help right now and I am asking you, not your attorney, and not the court. The award is the award and it will get paid period end of statement. I need you to be willing to work with me on this so that I can somehow keep my life from falling apart. Understand that it doesnt matter what the court 'WANTS" the facts on the ground have changed dramatically and either you can decide to work with me or you can play the, "My Lawyer said" game. I will be receiving College loan disbursements each quarter and when I get those I will be able to accelerate the payoff, but you will have to be willing to allow that to happen each quarter in order for this to work. There is no magical money tree or hidden treasure trove from which to pull money from. I am sacrificing my student loan money to pay this off. it will have to come to you the way I receive it. Once quarterly. I need you, YOU to help me here. The court is there to back you up if the full balance doesnt get paid.
I am telling you I need help. I have to try to get my life stabilized in order to keep the money flowing with no hiccups. I will need you to help me make this happen.
Can you call me please. Written words dont always come across the correct way.
I have not responded yet, but I really am going to have to or he will not let up and he will continue to involve our children. My oldest already told me she is very stressed out about all this mess and she is trying to focus on work and school. Part of me feels like telling him if he can figure out a way to pay $2K a month plus extra when he gets disbursements, I will work with him, but the other part doesn't want to do squat. I do believe he WILL pay me, as he has always paid the dollar amounts the court ordered. He cheated me on the parts that were supposed to be a percentage and I had to rely on his good graces to pay. In this case, there is a court order and he is one of those who won't ignore it. I just am so confused. I hate the fucker and my desire is not to help him, and I don't care that his life is shit, but I care that it is hurting the kids. I just don't know what to do. I feel cornered.
He knowingly screwed you out of funds for years on top of the A shit and now he "Needs your help". He should have thought about these consequences when he did what he did. Hello Karma nice to meet you.
Sorry if I sound pissed I am a BH and I pay my CS every month and I was the one that did the work to set it up so I have no sympathy for men that essentially cheat their children out of money on top of the A shit.
Have you asked your laywer if you can even agree to accept a "payment plan" from him and whether or not it could be used against you in the future somehow? I think he should man up and deal with it. He did it to himself.
The email that starts off as "Knock off this ..." is classic bully, aggressive behavior. Then it moves into the feel sorry for me violin stage. Then he puts all the guilt nicely on your lap. He gives you all the responsibility to make HIS situation better. I'm surprised you didn't
As far as the kids, you need to sit them down and empathize with them first then gently explain the true situation. Your ex is a grown "man" and will be able to figure this out without you holding his hand.
1. He completely messed up YOUR life with his A and you have worked hard to put it back together. He has made poor choices and the state of his life right now is as a result of his choices. It is not your job to fix that.
2.Not only that,you've had to do so without the Cs that he should have been paying all this time. He has spent that money over those years on himself,he could have chosen to pay it, but did not. Now he is reaping the consequences of his choices. It is not your job to fix that.
3. He is using emotional blackmail on you and the children. If you let him get away with that,you are teaching him AND YOUR CHILDREN that it works and he will keep doing it. It is not your job to pander or reinforce his poor parenting/people skills. It is your job to set a good example to your children of how to stand up to emotional bullying.
4. He is disrespecting boundaries,especially yours. You're worried that you have to reply. No. You need to enforce your own boundaries and teach your children what healthy boundaries look like-they need one parent who can do that.
If you REALLY feel you need to reply, copy in your attorney and simply say:
Do not contact me about this any more. If you need to feel the need to communicate,please contact my attorney
[This message edited by Softcentre at 11:10 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him
[This message edited by badd at 12:33 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]