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Newest Member: danisisu7 (61142)

User Topic: stbx wants to tell his side of story
♀ 39154
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is there to tell? He cheated and has a girlfriend which is what I told our friends. Stbx wanted to join the friends, my daughter and me for a weekend activity. It felt odd and I figured our friends would feel awkward seeing him there given the circumstances. He wants to tell them his side of the story during the weekend activity. I said that creates an awkward situation for our friends. He asked why. I replied because the betrayed wife (me) will be there also. I told our friends about the girlfriend and cheating but not the knocked up part. He said he wants to tell them before our school-aged child does. Does this sound normal to you?

He also sent me a book entitled "Anger". I guess he thinks I have an anger problem. Why does he not understand that anger is a normal reaction to being deceived?

Posts: 209 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This whole situation does not seem normal at all. What could he possibly say? The truth? Most likely, he's going to blameshift, blame you, make up excuses, etc. No good will come of it.

BW - 40
DD - 7 years old
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 5435 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
♀ 39154
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him it's better that he not come. I said nobody would be comfortable but him.

It's a cloudy day and I feel a pit in my core. I feel uneasy today. Maybe because I got another rejection in my job search. I thought I would proceed to the next round.

Posts: 209 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Darkness Falls
♀ 27879
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why can't he contact/see these friends on his own if he wants to explain himself? He doesn't need to be there at an activity where you will also be present, thereby making things awkward and uncomfortable for everybody.

He needs to contact them separately if this is the road he wants to go down, leaving you and your child out of it. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't want to hear it, but he'll find that out for himself if he tries.

WS, 5-month EA/PA '09-'10

Divorced from (2010) and remarried to (2014) XBH

1 1/2-year-old daughter and another baby girl on the way

Posts: 4400 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Central Florida
♀ 39154
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After our brief discussion, stbx said he'd give them a call. I sent them an email to give them a heads up so that they're not totally caught off guard.

Posts: 209 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
♂ 40173
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the exact same reaction my WW gives when I mention the affair to someone..."did you tell them the whole story?" Granted she and I had our marriage issues, but since dday I am the controlling angry ass that forced her to do things and prevented her from being herself and never took care of her. The anger issue is the primary reason she says she started the affair and refused to work on our marriage.

My take on the anger is that they need to vilify us to feel better about the bad things they did. They see our anger as evidence of our "bad behavior"

Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 27071
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xh wanted to tell his side of the story, as well, to our daughters, especially. However, he never took time to do it. Daughters feel they already have his side of the story; after all, they lived it ! He lied and deceived them time after time. I'm thinking xh couldn't / can't be bothered with even writing them his side of the story because that would take effort. Your xh probably thought how much easier it would be for him to tell his (side of the) story when everyone was together, thus saving the expense of any extra energy required to talk with friends and family one to one. You know, like he really cares what anyone thinks. If he cared, he wouldn't have cheated, thereby taking himself way down the ladder of life.

D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)

Posts: 1239 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His side of the story: "I'm a lying, cheating arsehole."

It really wouldn't take him long to contact each person individually and tell them that.

Me: 1970
Two sons: 2000 and 2003
Cheating louse: What's her name again?

Married Aug/95
DDay Nov/12
Separated Mar/13
Finally divorced Jul/17

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!

Posts: 3583 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, X is similar and says a new mantra lately: "no one ever gets to hear the other side. " He went through a period of time contacting people who would still speak to him and he tried to tell "his side". It was the pity party all the way.

And what is there to "hear"?

Quite simply, they did it. No matter what is blamed on spouses, they did it.

Maybe this is a phase, like we BS go through?

ETA that I know X is trying like mad to get his former reputation back and maybe your STBX wants that too? He says "I have no agenda, now. I don't lie... now."

Who can believe a word, now?

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 8:27 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 9

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