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FieldsOfLavender posted 10/9/2013 12:15 PM

What is there to tell? He cheated and has a girlfriend which is what I told our friends. Stbx wanted to join the friends, my daughter and me for a weekend activity. It felt odd and I figured our friends would feel awkward seeing him there given the circumstances. He wants to tell them his side of the story during the weekend activity. I said that creates an awkward situation for our friends. He asked why. I replied because the betrayed wife (me) will be there also. I told our friends about the girlfriend and cheating but not the knocked up part. He said he wants to tell them before our school-aged child does. Does this sound normal to you?

He also sent me a book entitled "Anger". I guess he thinks I have an anger problem. Why does he not understand that anger is a normal reaction to being deceived?

sparkysable posted 10/9/2013 12:24 PM

This whole situation does not seem normal at all. What could he possibly say? The truth? Most likely, he's going to blameshift, blame you, make up excuses, etc. No good will come of it.

FieldsOfLavender posted 10/9/2013 12:29 PM

I told him it's better that he not come. I said nobody would be comfortable but him.

It's a cloudy day and I feel a pit in my core. I feel uneasy today. Maybe because I got another rejection in my job search. I thought I would proceed to the next round.

Darkness Falls posted 10/9/2013 12:30 PM

Why can't he contact/see these friends on his own if he wants to explain himself? He doesn't need to be there at an activity where you will also be present, thereby making things awkward and uncomfortable for everybody.

He needs to contact them separately if this is the road he wants to go down, leaving you and your child out of it. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't want to hear it, but he'll find that out for himself if he tries.

FieldsOfLavender posted 10/9/2013 12:48 PM

After our brief discussion, stbx said he'd give them a call. I sent them an email to give them a heads up so that they're not totally caught off guard.

kg201 posted 10/9/2013 13:00 PM

Fields,
This is the exact same reaction my WW gives when I mention the affair to someone..."did you tell them the whole story?" Granted she and I had our marriage issues, but since dday I am the controlling angry ass that forced her to do things and prevented her from being herself and never took care of her. The anger issue is the primary reason she says she started the affair and refused to work on our marriage.

My take on the anger is that they need to vilify us to feel better about the bad things they did. They see our anger as evidence of our "bad behavior"

LifeIsBroken posted 10/9/2013 18:12 PM

My xh wanted to tell his side of the story, as well, to our daughters, especially. However, he never took time to do it. Daughters feel they already have his side of the story; after all, they lived it ! He lied and deceived them time after time. I'm thinking xh couldn't / can't be bothered with even writing them his side of the story because that would take effort. Your xh probably thought how much easier it would be for him to tell his (side of the) story when everyone was together, thus saving the expense of any extra energy required to talk with friends and family one to one. You know, like he really cares what anyone thinks. If he cared, he wouldn't have cheated, thereby taking himself way down the ladder of life.

Pass posted 10/9/2013 21:20 PM

His side of the story: "I'm a lying, cheating arsehole."

It really wouldn't take him long to contact each person individually and tell them that.

Ashland13 posted 10/10/2013 08:23 AM

Yep, X is similar and says a new mantra lately: "no one ever gets to hear the other side. " He went through a period of time contacting people who would still speak to him and he tried to tell "his side". It was the pity party all the way.

And what is there to "hear"?

Quite simply, they did it. No matter what is blamed on spouses, they did it.

Maybe this is a phase, like we BS go through?

ETA that I know X is trying like mad to get his former reputation back and maybe your STBX wants that too? He says "I have no agenda, now. I don't lie... now."

Who can believe a word, now?

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 8:27 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]