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Guys who are friends

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ninebark posted 10/9/2013 12:51 PM

I am having a hard time dealing with having a really close friend who is a guy. I work in a trades shop so I am the only woman.

There is one guy who I work with that I am really great friends with. We joke and have a good time and have a very similar sense of humor. We have had lots of serious talks and he told me he has never and will never cheat on his wife. I have told him about my past history as well.

So today I have a double pass to a movie that I won. My boyfriend is working and I know he wants to the see the movie, but I can't ask him.

Because he is a guy. That kinda sucks. He asked if I wanted him to go and I said yes but I don't want to do anything that will cause tension with his wife, even though my bf said he didn't mind because he trusts me.

So that is my rant. Because I have a sense of boundary I have to moderate my friendship with someone because they are of an opposite sex. I know we would have a great time (no inappropriate boundary crossing), but yet I still can't do it.

It kinda sucks, and I have to go to the movie alone. :(

RyeBread posted 10/9/2013 12:57 PM

Is it that he's a guy, or that he's a married guy?

Respecting his wife and their marriage is what a good friend does. Good for you for having that boundary. If it eats at you too much you could give the movie passes to your guy friend so he can take his wife. Then you wouldn't have to ponder going alone, you'd be doing a kindness for someone else. Just a thought.

ninebark posted 10/9/2013 13:00 PM

Guy, married guy, either way. I can't ask. Not like with one of my girlfriends, where I can ask and there is no problem at all.

If I ask this guy, rumors will be spread at work (even though they know we are buddies), his wife might get upset ( I would not without her permission of course), and it is just weird. But I like having fun with him as a friend.

But I am going to see the movie cause I really want to see it..lol.

I can see how this could be the start of an affair for someone without those boundaries. But in my case, not gonna happen.,

RyeBread posted 10/9/2013 13:09 PM

what movie is it? (if you don't mind me asking)

Lucky2HaveMe posted 10/9/2013 18:11 PM

I don't think a married person should go on what constitutes a *date* with a member of the opposite sex - regardless of how innocent it is proclaimed to be. Just not appropriate.

How would you feel if your BF asked another woman to go to the movies?

Friends of the opposite sex can work with firm boundaries - I have a couple of very good male friends. However, we would never go out alone with any of them, and we have strict boundaries when it comes to conversations, etc.

Is there not a woman friend in your life that would enjoy a night out at the movies with you?

authenticnow posted 10/10/2013 06:11 AM

We're going to move this to General due to the infidelity-related conversation .

HormonalWoman posted 10/10/2013 08:02 AM

I don't know if i'm being ott saying this, but a lot of people who have an affair think they would never do that. They think it's ok to be 'just friends' with the opposite sex and the next thing you know they are heading down the slippery slope..

lieshurt posted 10/10/2013 08:05 AM

It kinda sucks, and I have to go to the movie alone.

You have no other friends? Only your bf and this married man? Really?

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