I have to talk to him somewhat because we are living under the same roof and because I am trying to lever him into a dissolution. Failing that I will prepare to file next week.
So, these are WH's snippets from last night:
"I am being physically sick. I am in so much pain."
.......Hmmm. Never was sick when he had sex with OW, came home and lied to me.
"If you leave, I may as well lay down and die."
"You and DD are the only things I live for."
.......... And the extra-marital sex?
"You are the perfect wife."
"DD's guinea pigs are so cute."
........ Refused even to acknowledge them before yesterday
"You have all the power! I have no choice in this divorce!"
............ Yes, you got that right.
What's the quote about the pond? No more fish, pond dry, fuck off?
Yeah, that.
We talked this evening and because I have now agreed to pay off his credit card debt, he is willing to sign. He can't afford an attorney, I have one, basically it is worth it to avoid the delays and legal bills. I kind of figured I would have to do that anyway.
Once that is dealt with, I don't have to talk to him any more except about practical matters. But I will have to do a few weeks in house separation unless he voluntarily moves out.
They all sing similar tunes once they are caught and are unsure of how we are going to act.
I refuse to believe that there is any pain more horrific than betrayal. Except double betrayal. FTG.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
"You don't understand how hard this is for me."
I get the "most days I just want to curl up and die". If I try to express myself, I got (in writing) "You are making this all about you! What about my pain?"
Is it possible that they are all just that self-centered? (Don't answer that... It's obviously an emphatic "Hell YEAH!")
Sigh....
I am trying so hard not to react. But going to an attorney and putting this into dissolution has taken the lid off a lot of emotions for me that I had been repressing trying to reconcile.
Two weeks ago I found out about OW3. He lent a large sum of money to her. Who knows if they slept together. Probably. It was just one piece of dishonest behavior too far. As soon as I saw the evidence, I knew it was over.
He makes these sad little comments which I ignore but there is this script in my head that just pops up. So:
WH: I guess I will have to learn to cook for myself (little sad smile)
Me: silent, in the cause of getting the hell out of this as cleanly as possible, but I am thinking "What about the time I heard you on my VAR telling OW1 that you would love for her to cook for you and there wasn't enough time for "me and you"."
I'm hoping not responding gets easier because sometimes my chest hurts.
You are feeling this way because you've been trained to. It is emotional abuse.
As NIK so eloquently put it "they know which buttons to press because they installed the fuckers!".
Nah dude, what don't understand is how it wasn't too hard to cheat.
Getting Divorced
Today I went to the bank and talked them into handing me WH's copy statements for 2011 when he lent some woman $1500 and insisted to me that she had paid him back.
Background: I found the note about it hidden in the garage a few weeks ago. It was dated August 2011. I then called his bank and ordered copy statements.
Well, she hadn't paid him back. No deposits that matched. In fact, the only deposits into his account were made by me.
I called him just now and he kept lying, saying that he would find it on the statement. Finally, he told me the truth.
The lying never stops, will never stop. All I can do is leave it behind. Truly, whatever OW gets him is welcome to him.
I told him not to come home and if he did I would go to her workplace and report it. I cannot imagine they would be too happy to know that one of their sales staff borrowed and wrote out a $1500 IOU to a customer which she then defaulted on. They are one of those "family" companies..........
Channel the anger into maintaining strict NC and evicting that guy from your life. It would have taken me a few years to get there myself had I not had the anger to fuel me.
((jemimapd)) I also remember how incredibly painful it was to have my eyelids ripped off (metaphorically speaking).
Oh, and just to make his 100% fuckupness clear, he said the reason he did not tell me was because he knew confessing would make me angry.
I too was told what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me. Bullshit - it is themselves they are protecting.
Hard to believe right now but one day you'll see these betrayals beyond infidelity as a gift. I certainly do. They forced my hand to free myself before I had the strength and courage to do it of my own volition.
I just don't know how I am going to get through this in house separation.
Yesterday I threw him out and told him I would call a police officer if he came round. I honestly could not take any more after I got the bank statements. He did not sleep at the house last night, I saw on the find my iPhone app that he went to a nice comfy hotel. He can't go to family because that would shatter his image and he hasn't got any friends.
So he turns up this morning to take DD to school and it's all poor him. He starts whining and says, "What am I supposed to do! Live in my car!"
I said, "Did you sleep in your car last night?"
There was a pause during which he was about to lie but then remembers I have the find my iPhone app. "Err, no. I went to a hotel."
End of that conversation.
