SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

nowiknow23 posted 10/9/2013 15:03 PM

I can't believe it's been more than 4 months since DD entered the residential treatment program, but the calendar doesn't lie.

We had her quarterly staffing in August. The short story is that DD is reacting to being in the program as most kids do - they white knuckle it for as long as they can, hoping to "behave" their way out of the program and back home. It never works. Eventually, their grip loosens, the gig is up, and they go back to their "normal" behaviors, which is to say, they behave abnormally. DD was no different. She white knuckled for the first month, and spent the next two months slowly sliding back to her baseline. Challenges cropped up with peers, staff, and her family. She physically attacked both me and her father in July, which resulted in her losing the privilege of overnight passes to visit home.

Since then, she has been slowly earning her way to longer and longer visits. At this point, she can take 8 hour off-campus visits with me and with her father each weekend, but is not allowed to leave campus during the week unless with staff.

All of this is as expected. The staff is actually relieved that she has reverted back to her old behaviors, as they can now see what we've been dealing with and start to address the changes needed. DD has all the necessary components for successfully completing treatment - she's driven, she buys into the program, and she has fantastic family support from me, her father, her brother, and her extended family. Hearing that from the experts at her staffing was a huge relief.

What wasn't expected, however, is that since that quarterly staffing, her aggression has been spiraling out of control. She has been in near constant conflict with another girl in her cottage. DD's anxiety and aggression levels have sky-rocketed, and she is lashing out frequently, both in verbal and physical altercations. A few weeks ago, she had an episode while she was on a day pass with me. While I was driving her back to the program, she shattered the windshield in my van and punched me. It was terrifying. Fortunately, I was a block from the program and was able to quickly pull into their parking lot where staff removed her from the car and isolated her until the episode passed. There have been more aggression episodes since then, both with staff and family. Each episode is heartbreaking. When it passes, she is overwhelmed with guilt and remorse. She is in a very negative place right now, struggling to recognize anything good about herself.

This week, the staff will be modifying her medications in the hopes of reducing her agitation and aggressiveness. The medications she takes are very serious and come with potential side effects that are very troubling to read through. It's been a difficult time weighing those potential effects against the potential benefits for DD. Lots of lost sleep. Lots of anxiety. Tons of time spent on a brain train, questioning my decisions over and over again. I've reached an uneasy peace with those decisions, but they continue to weigh on my heart.

DD's 15th birthday is in a few days. And I will only see her for a few hours that afternoon. I can't take her home. I can’t even take her off campus. I can't have a big family party for her. I can't wake her up in the morning by singing the birthday song to her, make her favorite birthday breakfast... We will celebrate her birthday of course, but it will be different, as it must be right now.

There is no better place for her to be right now. I know this. I know she's being cared for by the right people in the right program. I know that this is the right path for her.

It isn't, however, an easy one.

woundedby2 posted 10/9/2013 15:11 PM

(((nik))) how heart wrenching all this must be for you. Your dd is blessed to have you as her mom.

ajsmom posted 10/9/2013 15:15 PM

Sometimes the right paths are the hardest to get through.

Continued prayers for you all.

(((((nik & DD)))))

AJ's MOM

metamorphisis posted 10/9/2013 15:17 PM

You never cease to impress me NIK. She is very blessed to have you as her mom. I am sending all the mojo I can muster for your little girl. She's sweet and she loves you and she'll be ok with your love and all the help she is getting.

Exit Wounds posted 10/9/2013 15:30 PM

Hugs NIK,

MovingUpward posted 10/9/2013 15:36 PM

(((NIK)))

This will be hard before it gets easier. Lean on us as you need to. We are all wanting the best for you and DD. You and DD are in my prayers.

jrc1963 posted 10/9/2013 15:43 PM

I agree with Moo... I don't think you've gotten to the worst of it yet.

But You have made the right decisions and you are doing the absolutely best thing for her... Be patient and allow the program and her staff to do their work.

What you are going thru, what you have gone thru, most people couldn't take. You are a strong person and thru your strength and love your DD will get better.

(((NIK))) (((NIK's DD)))

Jrazz posted 10/9/2013 15:47 PM

Love ya, NIK. Keeping you and the kids in my thoughts.

Kajem posted 10/9/2013 16:11 PM

Thank you for updating. I've been thinking of your DD and keeping her and your family in my prayers.

Hugs,

K

idiot85 posted 10/9/2013 16:48 PM

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers too NIK

It'll get better.

simplydevastated posted 10/9/2013 16:57 PM

Oh NIK, I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Sending lots of love, strength, and (((HUGS))) to you and everyone.

I'm not sure if you can do this, but could you go visit in the morning and bring her favorite breakfast? I know it's not the same, but it may cheer everyone up.

jo2love posted 10/9/2013 17:52 PM

(((Nik)))

I was just thinking about you and your DD this morning. Sending you good thoughts and strength.

Lucky2HaveMe posted 10/9/2013 18:02 PM

I can only imagine how difficult this must be on you. Take solace knowing that you are making all decisions with her best interest at heart.

Hugs

CheaterMagnet posted 10/9/2013 18:03 PM

((((((NIK)))))))

You've been so kind to me and to everyone on this site even in the midst of something so painful. You are my hero.

(((((((NIK))))))

tushnurse posted 10/9/2013 18:12 PM

Wow NIK. I had no idea what you are dealing with. Hang in there. You love your daughter very much and she is lucky to have a mom that is so strong and willing to sacrifice so much.

Yes her 15th birthday may not be a great one but without this one being what it is, she wouldn't be able to appreciate how wonderful all the others to follow will be for her.

Hugs and strength, and peace to you and your family

sisoon posted 10/9/2013 18:19 PM

What Moo says. My thoughts are with you and your daughter.

Head over heart right now is the right way. It sucks, though.

A hug for you, if it will help: (((NIK))) + (((DD)))

Kodi posted 10/9/2013 18:26 PM

(((NIK)))

nowiknow23 posted 10/9/2013 19:28 PM

Thank you, guys. I appreciate all the kind words and support.

million pieces posted 10/9/2013 19:31 PM

Hugs to everyone involved. You are amazing :)

Amazonia posted 10/9/2013 19:33 PM

(((NIK)))

((((Niklet))))