My BH feels like, because I am serious about NC with xAP, that I have somehow not processed my feelings about the OM and therefore I am still vulnerable to an affair.
Because we live in the same town our paths cross once in a while. I'm serious about NC - not even eye contact. I do get nervous when I'm in the situation having to avoid contact. I go out of my way to avoid being in the same area or any type of contact.
BH feels like if I were to truly process it and deal with my feelings then I would have no problem facing xAP and would have a sense of peace and control. I know the affair won't restart. I know I have no desire to go down that path again with xAP or anyone else ever again. But at the same time I feel certain safeguards are necessary. xAP and I have proven to be toxic to each other. I KNOW what a slippery-slope feels like and I don't want to get anywhere close to it. I guess I do have a bit of a fear that I am still vulnerable somehow even though I don't believe I am. I read on here about affairs that restarted after a year or two or even 10 years later. I'll bet those people thought they would never do it again too. So I feel like I'm being smart about recognizing a potential vulnerability.
Also, I feel so strongly about NC because I think it would show disrespect to my BH and myself to be nonchalant about it. I also fear that xAP would take any type of contact as some type of invitation to restart and I don't ever want to deal with him again.
Does it sound like I have not processed this all the way? I read on here that the goal is to get to indifference. Does that mean that if I have contact it wouldn't bother me and therefore I have processed it all? In some ways I get that my fear or nervousness implies some type of "power" the affair or xAP has over me and I don't like that.
I'm curious how other WS and BS feel about this and if there's more I should be doing to process.