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Should I still feel like this?

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ashkate posted 10/9/2013 20:52 PM

It has been 5 years since my husbands I am having thoughts about if he really loved me he would never have cheated on is still hard after all this time..I always thought he would never do this to me and now he is hard to look at him...I wonder why I wasn't enough for him....I always said that if he ever cheated it was over....I took him back and that was and still is a hard pill to!

lucy17 posted 10/9/2013 21:47 PM

No words of advice. I'm too new at this.
I don't know that there is a time limit.
It seems like a forever thing--with or without the one who hurt you.
I am sorry you are hurting.

AFrayedKnot posted 10/10/2013 07:07 AM


First and foremost, your WH's A had nothing to do with you. It had everything to do with something broken inside himself. What work has he done to heal the brokenness inside himself?

so_lost posted 10/10/2013 18:42 PM

I'm 8 years out and recently went through a similar thought process. It's almost like a midlife crisis only related to affair recovery. I posted about it awhile ago and got a lot of great feedback from fellow SI folk. I hope it will help you, too.

In addition to going back and seeing a counselor, I started running again. It's helped me focus on myself a little more and it's also helped with my recent bout of depression.

Good luck ashkate. Been thinking about you and wanted to be sure to post:)

blakesteele posted 10/10/2013 20:07 PM

I am curious about this too....I am in the mid-life period too...wondering if my wife A will hurt or help me into the future. Seems like it is an opportunity to work on myself before I have a personal crisis...but maybe it will push me to redo my life completely?

Sounds like it is definitely hurting you ashkate. I am very sorry to hear this.

I have been in weekly counseling sessions for a year. It helped me.

I also post a LOT on here...and read even more. I read lots of books as well.

I see you have been a member on here since 2009 and have just under 200 posts. How did you process during that first 2 years? How did your husband? Did you have ah-ha moments? Was there trickle truth and fog associated with your experience with infidelity?

Dang...13 months of really intensive work and thousands of dollars in counseling and a weekend retreat...seems like I should have some advice for you.

Sorry. Keep posting, keep reading on here.

Do you think the A was actually a deal breaker for you?

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:13 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

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