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Approaching 1st Antiversary

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KBeguile posted 10/9/2013 21:12 PM

Heart feels like she's re-living it, and she also feels as though she doesn't have the strength to go through it all over again.

I was just wondering if this is typical of 1st Antiversary behavior, and what I can do to help. I'm already reminding her that, unlike last time, this year she's not facing this alone. I'm here, IC is here for her, and SI is here for her.

Is there anything else I can and should be doing, above and beyond what I'm already doing?

cluless posted 10/9/2013 21:27 PM

BS here, I recommend that you make this time VERY special for her. Listen to everything she says and if she completely backslides, be compassionate and hold her. None of this is easy, make this time something special so when next year it comes up, she will also have that memory to associate with this time.

Of course I don't know what I'm talking about 1/2 the time, I think I'm losing my mind, but that's what I would want my WH to do. Good luck! Love her man! Just love her.!

KBeguile posted 10/9/2013 21:32 PM

It doesn't sound as if you're losing your mind, cluless. That's good advice, and I shall take it, since you offered.

SurprisinglyOkay posted 10/11/2013 07:58 AM

We're in our second anti-season.

Last year we really focused on making new memories. We made new plans for Ds's bday.
We did nothing for Halloween except taking the kidlets out trick or treating. Halloween is a big trigger. We had a couple parties, OM was at the last one.

We did something totally different for Thanksgiving, and Black friday (Dday).

We worked really hard on Our "Fall Plan". It helped a ton!

This year we are taking back some of the triggers.
We went back to our old tradition for ds's bday.
We're trying the Halloween party again.

We're talking a lot, communicating about everything.


SecondHelping posted 10/11/2013 09:29 AM

I was just wondering if this is typical of 1st Antiversary behavior, and what I can do to help. I'm already reminding her that, unlike last time, this year she's not facing this alone

Whatever you do, at least acknowledge it. My fWW didn't even acknowledge the day (or season) and it hurt like hell.

Have something planned in case she does have plans. Make it special and take her mind off of it.

Show her that you are sorry and care so much for her. DON'T MAKE HER ASK YOU FOR ATTENTION OR PLANS. Be proactive about this.

I can tell you it's a very tough time for the BS and it's soooo much worse if the WS ignores it.

HopeImOverIt posted 10/11/2013 10:20 AM

Can you get away on vacation, to immerse yourselves in a different environment? Distractions plus an unfamiliar location may really help. It helped me a lot on my first antiversary.

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