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If I had found out the truth all at once

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Hope2B posted 10/9/2013 22:10 PM

If I had found out the truth all at once, I truly believe I would have kicked him to the curb.

Back in Feb, D-Day #1, I believed his A was only for 8 months, and only bjs and handjobs in her car.

D-Day #2 was last month, when I found out it was at least a 7 year long affair, with him visiting her 2 to 3 times a month, doing almost everything and anything sexually in the most intimate physical ways, NOT using protection, and on the conservative side, he spent at least a total of $8500.00 on her.

Yes, if I had known all at once, I would have kicked him out.

The question I ask myself today is why didn't I kick him out after D-Day #2 (it was a series of sequential days strung together, finding out more info with Trickle Truth, culminating in finding out the length of the A), and the answer is probably because I was in total shock. We don't have children so that wasn't a factor for me.

With the Trickle Truths, I had set up appointments for IC and MC, and a session with our pastor. WH finally came clean (I think) about *everything* the night before we were to see our pastor, figuring he's go straight to hell if he lied to a priest.

WH, at my behest (it sure didn't come from him thinking of it), set up his own IC appointments. We've been going to MC and reading and talking--well, he talks and I try not to use my mean voice.

He really doesn't know how close he came to losing it all--he says he does, but it's just not "real enough" for him to feel it...and he still may lose the privilege of living with me if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass.

Every once in a while he will say something that tells me his brain was engaged in the process we're experiencing.

I guess I'm letting him live here because I have hope that he will turn himself around from waking up stupid seven years ago.


Ostrich80 posted 10/9/2013 23:27 PM

I probably would have done the same. I've only touched the tip of the iceberg so if I saw the words to each other, if I knew what, when, how they carried on, I don't think I could have stayed. Because I don't know the whole story, it allows a possibility that its not true even though I know it is if you Kwim?

sad34 posted 10/9/2013 23:27 PM

If he is truly repenttive and doing everything I would keep working it out.
If I had found out about my wh LTA all at once I would have been happy, then I could have almost began trusting him again. But the TT BS kills me.
Hugs and good luck

cantgetup posted 10/10/2013 06:18 AM

The thing is true remorse is something that is very visual and there is no mistaking what it is. With true remorse you don't have to question yourself whether your feeling it or not. If there is doubt on your part, the remorse is not there. My opinion is it's pretty black and white and no gray.

doubleboggy posted 10/10/2013 09:51 AM

Every once in a while he will say something that tells me his brain was engaged in the process we're experiencing

Yes, I see the light bulb flicker sometime too. Just wish it would stay on a little longer.

Hope2B posted 10/10/2013 20:50 PM

Yes, I see the light bulb flicker sometime too. Just wish it would stay on a little longer.
I like this quote!

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