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Contacting AP's spouse

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cannibal posted 10/9/2013 22:36 PM

I'm want to contact my wgf ap's wife and let her know about the A and was wondering what I should say. I was thinking of letting her know the phone # and email that he contacted her from. It ended in April or so I'm told. I am also thinking of telling her the dates I have been told it happened. I don't know if she knows and I'm not trying to cause conflict in their relationship. I know they have kids. Should I tell my wgf I'm doing this? I only can contact her through fb and I'm only 90% sure it's her. I sent her a message for conformation and recieved no reply. I would of contacted her earlier but I have only recently been confirmed who it was. Well I'll be awaiting responses before I attempt to do this so please let me know what y'all think.

cytron posted 10/9/2013 22:52 PM

From someone who is still waiting to tell the OM's wife, I would tell you to do it NOW, but I would be a hypocrite. You definitely have to do it as she deserves to know so she can have the same benefit as you do with knowing. Tell her to get tested for STDs and to confront that asshole right away.

WIgirl posted 10/9/2013 22:55 PM

I think most people here will say to not tell your wgf you're doing it, as she will likely try to talk you out of it or advise her AP ahead of time.

I was actually friends with the OBS, but I still didn't feel comfortable having that conversation on the phone (and we also have a 7 hour time difference now). I sent him an email and FB message. I said, "You may already know this, but if you don't, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you. X and X have been having an affair since X, and I found out recently that they have still been communicating, even though I thought it was over on X. Please feel free to reach out to me if you want (and I provided my phone number) by phone or email.

In your case, you could also add the information about the phone/email her husband was using to give credence to your message. In my case, he had suspected something but never had enough proof. He was very grateful for the information. Good's a really hard thing to do. If the affair is still going on, the exposure will likely put an end to it once and for all.

cannibal posted 10/9/2013 23:20 PM

I'm thinking of using a friends fb account and not using names. We are trying to reconcile and I don't want some crazy ap's spouse trying to attack her or something. I just want her to know it happened. I'd also like to know if she knows things I don't know about the A.

cannibal posted 10/10/2013 04:29 AM

Well it's done. I did it from a friend's account as I was thinking of doing. I really hope she already knew because I don't want to bring her problems. Thanks for the advice. I didn't drop wgf's name, but gave some details of dates and nc breaks. I also talked of all the avenues of communication between them. I do hope to hear back from her though even if for no other reason then to have confirmation that she received it.

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