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Okay so this is what I get tonight. I took him back three times and twice it was after a period of three weeks during which he has always maintained that they were not in any contact. The second times it was approximately two weeks after I took him back that she e-mailed him with "what is it that you want, best friends forever or not? Honesty, we always had that, please tell me." However recently he has told me that he contacted her first. Tonight I asked him if he contacted her first, then when was that? I was trying to ascertain how much time was in between me taking him back and contact again. He doesn't remember. So then I asked, were you in contact with her again when I took you back, or not? He doesn't remember. He doesn't remember if he was in contact with his mistress when I took him back for the second time, after 40 years of marriage? After he told me he bought her a ring and asked her to marry him? After I had been through hell and yet took him back twice? He doesn't remember? I cannot believe this, we have been in R for 10 months and now he tells me this? What do I do now?

You decide where you draw the line, and you stick to it.

It's false R. He is lying. It is time for 180 and an ultimatum or he is just going to keep lying to your face.

I'm really sorry. Counseling, books... that only works when the WS is ready to be authentic.

Stick up for yourself. Come here for support.

(((starmoonchild)))

What do I say for an ultimatum to a man who says,"I don't remember, but I'll try." And I say, you don't remember if you were seeing her again when I took you back for the second time? "No" he says. I told him this is crap and not going to bode well for him at all. He acts bewildered, innocent, and still says he can't remember. There are numerous issues surrounding the A which make no sense and yet he maintains they are all true. I've had so many questions answered with "Maybe" "Possibly" "I think so" "Could be" "Okay" "I can't recall" and it drives me crazy, really. There have been so few times he has said "Yes" or "No" directly as an answer. The 180 sounds like good advice. I intend to fully stick up for myself.