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OW stalking

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headdesk posted 10/10/2013 01:27 AM

WH is repentant, doing his work and is doing everything he needs to be at this time, but it will take time to go through it all. He's still sleeping downstairs until I can get to the point of wanting to sleep beside him again.

In the mean time, life is being uncooperative about letting me have a 'window' into the OW. Granted, I got to see a brief picture of her several weeks ago, but aside from that, nada. I'm not trying to see if she's better or worse than me or anything like that...I'm just damn curious I guess.

I don't want to give her the time of day face to face, nor do I have any interest in texting/emailing/etc. I just know that she got to have a pretty good look at my life that it makes me want the same from her.

Sadly, evidently the lawyer who is handling her divorce told her to get her info off line (I guess the partying and other activities she was constantly up to doesn't shed such a great look on her if she wants custody).

Yeah, I know I should leave it. I think it's like that aching tooth you can't stop prodding.

Thessalian posted 10/10/2013 02:04 AM

I had the opposite problem, OW is all over the internet. I can relate to the need to see what the deal is. I obsessed over OW's networks for a few weeks because she kept posting first a bunch of whiny crap about how much she missed WH (without naming him by name, but still... what kind of psycho publicly cries over missing someone else's husband?) and how sad it was they weren't together anymore, and then mean things about me when she tried to contact him again and he told her to go away, and after I exposed her to someone else she was screwing around on.

I also obsessed because I was desperately trying to answer the question "who is this person my WH ripped us apart over?"

After a while I realized that looking at her classless attempts to play the victim, and frankly looking at her face at all, was just ruining my mood all the time, and that who she is doesn't matter, what she does every day doesn't matter, who she talks about online doesn't matter, she's a broken person who doesn't deserve a single second of my time. I haven't looked at her stuff in about 2 weeks, and my healing process is MUCH better for it, and I'm not even tempted to look, just the thought makes me mad. But I feel where you're coming from for sure. There were a few weeks there when no amount of telling myself it didn't matter would stop me from looking.

[This message edited by Thessalian at 2:07 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]

silverhopes posted 10/10/2013 02:18 AM

I just know that she got to have a pretty good look at my life that it makes me want the same from her.

I was desperately trying to answer the question "who is this person my WH ripped us apart over?"

Just want to say this is normal. She got to know something about your life (your husband) that she should never have known. She did get a window into your life. It's totally understandable to want to know who your H was sharing his life with, when he should have been sharing it with you.

If you have questions about the OW, is your H honest and forthright in answering them? It might help to know that he keeps no more secrets between them, that everything they knew you know, that he shares everything with you. But it will still take time, and it will still hurt, and it will never be fair. I'm sorry, I know how painful it is.

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