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Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: Hey Braintrust -
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need help with a response.

Background - a couple of weeks ago, ex-shat asked if he could pick Teslet up from pre-k, so he wouldn't be in daycare. I said okay, gave a list of days where this would happen (I coach a high school sport, so some of Teslet's days in daycare can be a bit long). I was clear that this was only happening until the end of October...hence specific dates.

He texted last night saying that he was being forced to work a double, could I please explain to Teslet. (He did this on Tuesday as well). Now, I don't have a problem with him bailing. I didn't want Teslet seeing him on these afternoons anyway, it has shot his behavior to hell. But since he could make the first right of refusal argument, I figured I'm stuck until the end of my coaching season. (Plus, I intend on using this when he schedules extended parenting time next summer with Teslet, as he works crazy swing shift hours and I'm off. All. Summer. Long.)

But here's where I need a little help...in the "I'm being forced to work a double...please feel sorry for me," text, he actually asks if it is ok for stripper whore to start picking Teslet up so that he can get a couple more hours of sleep.
This guy is clearly clueless about how parenting time works. (Ok, he's clearly clueless about EVERYTHING) The only reason he was getting to pick Teslet up from daycare (in my mind) was that a parent trumps unrelated people when it comes to caring for a kid. However, it is still my custodial time...which he fails to understand.

And why the hell would you ask your ex-wife if the stripper whore you knocked up can be a fucking taxi service for your fucking convenience? Fucking moron.

On what planet does this make sense? Oh wait, I forget, he lives in Shat-topia, where all revolves about the glorious sun of ex-shat. Sheesh, stripper whore's blow jobs have obviously blown his mind to the point he has no logical or reasoning skills left.

For fuck's sake.

Help me word something concise and 'ex-shat' understandable regarding this.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4819 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
MelisssaZZZ
♀ 25953
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well in his mind clearly parenting time works as he wishes it to.

if i were you - would thank him for beeing accomodating and say something on the lines that you actually have a solution for Teslet.

also might add, that he sounds really tired and if we would like Teslet to stay with you for next his custodial weekend - you would be happy to


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 5yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any chance you can go crickets on this one? I honestly think I would be trying to ignore it. Daycare won't add her to the 'Authorised to Collect' list without your consent, right?

Fuck.Me.

If I had to respond it would be a succinct "No."

Although I do wonder if 'family' will include their whores if they get married. This is something I'll need to check with my L should it ever come up.

$50 he asks you to babysit OC one day. Actually, make it a $100.

That guy would be totes safe in a water system contaminated with brain-eating amoeba. Just sayin'. I'm a glass half full kind of girl - at least he has that going for him. Yay ex-shat.

FTG


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5733 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Help me word something concise and 'ex-shat' understandable regarding this.

"No"

He'll ask why. Reply.

"It is my custodial time, and I say 'No'". Wait, 'custodial' is a four syllable word. Um, stick with "No".


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
hummingbird8
♀ 25086
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I may be misunderstanding but if her picking him up would allow him to be in daycare less and spend time with his dad I would say sure.

If he can spend any time with his dad and sibling over daycare than I see that as a good thing for your son. It's not like he's not around her.

I understand its not the popular opinion around here but doing what is best for the kids no matter our feelings will do nothing but help them.


Posts: 514 | Registered: Aug 2009
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still contest that they eat lead paint in their down time, he and his stripperwhore.

I would definitely and succinctly say No, she will not pick Teslet up I have it handled. That's all.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8893 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Undefinabl3
♀ 36883
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he actually asks if it is ok for stripper whore to start picking Teslet up so that he can get a couple more hours of sleep.

If the drive is a couple of hours...then i can understand the request.

But if he's saying that he wants to sleep a few hours WHILE his son is there....then probably not so much.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.

Posts: 1831 | Registered: Sep 2012
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the camp of if he CBF making an effort to spend time with his son then why on earth should tesla?

There are times when we do things that are best for the kids and then there are times we're asked to do things to enable these guys/gals to 'ring it in'.

There's a high road and there's a taking the piss road.

This is NYP (not your problem).

Doesn't he already spend half of his visitation working or sleeping anyway and stripperwhore spends the most of that time with teslet?

That what chaps my arse.

Truth be told he could easily still do this by just picking teslet up himself, dropping him off to stripperwhore then going to sleep.

Why he doesn't just do that is because he is fishing. He thinks tesla is the same as before. He mustn't have understood the memo.

Adding stripperwhore to the list of authorised to collect is just something I personally could never do. I am forced to parallel parent with the sad clown but fuck me if I'll parent with his whore.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5733 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
gahurts
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I may be misunderstanding but if her picking him up would allow him to be in daycare less and spend time with his dad I would say sure.
If he can spend any time with his dad and sibling over daycare than I see that as a good thing for your son. It's not like he's not around her.

I understand its not the popular opinion around here but doing what is best for the kids no matter our feelings will do nothing but help them

Generally, I typically would tend to lean in this direction, especially f he and stripper whore are living together so you know where Teslet is. I flipped out when xWW put OM on the pick-up list at the elementary school last year because he lives an hour away, would not call me if he got my kids and I don't have his contact information. I told xWW that I could accept him on the pick-up list for emergencies if she gave me his number, he had my number and he was willing to call me. That was the last I heard about it.

As much as it makes you sick, from your posts it sounds like Teslet would be safe with her and that she us willing to call you and work with you for his well being. In my mind that is all that matters. The past is over even though it still stings.

Daycare won't add her to the 'Authorised to Collect' list without your consent, right?

Don't be so sure. OM was added to the emergency pickup last year when xWW enrolled the kids into school. And she never told me. I blew a gasket when I found out from the school that he was on the list.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3522 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is her driving ability?

Will ex-shat be sleeping the whole time? As in, by having stripper-whore picking up Teslet, will this be making a precedent of parenting time for HER to have with Teslet, since ex-shat is going to be sleeping the whole time?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10137 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he actually asks if it is ok for stripper whore to start picking Teslet up so that he can get a couple more hours of sleep.
I'll answer for you....oh FUCK no!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am forced to parallel parent with the sad clown but fuck me if I'll parent with his whore.
AMEN!!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Bebba1171
♂ 33857
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with GA.

For better or for worse, you are stuck with stripper whore for a while - maybe a long while.

Sorry it has to be this way Tesla, but it is the world you live in.

You may want to ask what Teslet prefers.

Key parenting challenge you have is picking the best environment for Teslet that contributes to his development as a well behaved, motivated child.

If being with your X and Stripper Whore is better than day care, then maybe you let this slide - even though it drives you nuts.

I sure have a lot of sympathy for the wonderful SI folks that deal with this kind of stuff.


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
PricklePatch
♀ 34041
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wasn't there the walmart incident with stripper who're and of, showing poor judgement. Stripper who're driving and chewing gum would be enough for me to just say no.
Adding
Stripper who're ex shat equates bad judgement.

[This message edited by PricklePatch at 4:38 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BS
Fwh
sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 347 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's best for kids? ROUTINE!!! A long day in daycare with people you pay to care for your child, where he is exactly where he is supposed to be and ready to go when it is time to go home and start the end of day ROUTINE is the best call here IMO.

If Dad wants to sleep a few more hours, then leave him in the routine. Dad can come and get him when the sleepytime is over and he is available to SPEND SOME FUCKING TIME WITH HIS SON. He asked for a concession and then asks for a concession to his concession? HELL NO.

End of story.

I am of the opinion that stripper whore is a temporary thing at best. She is young and stupid, but there are better prospects for here and she will figure it out soon enough.

Stick to the routine. He is asking you to color way too far outside the lines on this one.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5938 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
peridot
♀ 18334
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the camp of saying no. Caregiver is right. Your son needs routine and if your XH is going to be sleeping then he's not spending time with Teslet.

There is nothing wrong with kids being in daycare all day.

If I remember correctly, not only was there an issue while driving or something but they have broken up before and she moved out. If she is very young I don't see this as a long term relationship.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Either "No" or "First right of refusal applies to parents only, not step parents"


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13931 | Registered: Jul 2011
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no doubt that the answer will be no to stripper whore picking Teslet up. Here's the thing...this is extra parenting time he is asking for...this is not his scheduled visitation. Now, how he abdicates and/or delegates his parental responsibilities on his time is his business. But if he is asking for first right of refusal, he is not going to have stripper whore picking my kid up for him...that defeats the whole purpose. And while I am grateful that she can manage playing at this game...she is 'just' managing. She is not ideal nor someone I would ever choose to watch my son. If he cannot pick up his son on what is my custody time, then I choose daycare over stripper whore.
Here is the slippery slope that he is trying to get me to slide down: his shifts are changing from straight midnights to swing shifts after the 1st of the year. He will try to have his weekends midweek and they won't be consistent...some working weeks will last 10 days, some 7, some 5. He will be working swing shift as well. He has already asked if Teslet can stay overnight on tues or thurs. (I said no to this) No way am I letting Teslet's routine get messed up.

He is the parent. He needs to arrange his life accordingly to meet his parental obligations. I am of the firm belief that Teslet's life is not going to be screwed up and shoved into ex-shat's for his convenience. Ex-shat can learn how to man the fuck up and get his schedule arranged so as to maximize his time consistently with his son.

I just have a very hard time giving a succinct answer (see the post I just wrote) when a word will suffice. I also still feel the need to have to explain myself and my reasoning to this fool.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4819 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
ruinedandbroken
♀ 29250
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmmm....not sure how I would word this exactly but the point of unscheduled visitation time is to actually be VISITING with your child, not sleeping. The child should have extra time with the PARENT, not the stipper whore. Kind of defeats the point of visitation when you are sleeping.

What kind of job does he work where his hours are like this?


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You were accommodating and he can't accommodate - right of first refusal rules. Hmmm .... Would I rather a qualified person in a program I value watch my son or a girl who strips for a living and hooked up w a married man? Tough call.....


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4714 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
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