4 months in I was still walking around in a functioning fog and pretty much in shock.
Someone here said this to me when I was where you are now:
"Sometime soon this won't be something that is happening, it will be something that has happened".
They were spot on.
Please read up on NC/180. NC = No New Hurts.
We all fall off the NC wagon a bunch in the beginning. Until we notice we are hurting ourselves with it. It takes a little while to get to the D.O.N.E. part.
((Saadnblu)) I'm almost 2 years out from DD and I still get dips on this damned rollercoaster. The bouts are nowhere near as intense, don't last anywhere near as long and are happen much much further apart.
Be gentle with yourself. I was impatient too and wanted to rush through this bit. Unfortunately there is no short-cut (trust me, I've looked!).
The only way through it is through it.
I will say it won't always hurt this bad. NC is key for that. NC = Detachment = Healing.
I honestly never thought I'd be able to detach. I was so invested in that guy. These days barely recognise my old self in that M let alone his fucked-up arse.
You are going to be OK.
I've been reading my old posts from that horrible time (yay - Platinum!) and they are so weird to read now. I remember posting them, I remember feeling that way but I can't for the life of me see WHY on earth I had those feelings for this horrible man who did such horrible things pre and post DD.