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Newest Member: Ladyblue61 (61463)

User Topic: drop coworker at hotel?
♀ 40078
Member # 40078
Happy  Posted: 8:07 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A few days ago my H had to drop a coworker, from out of town, off at a hotel after work. Talk about a major freak out! Then when he got home, he said I need to tell you about my day and you're not going to like it.

As he told me of the events that day there were a lot of red flags, one of which was a work related call from the OW, but everything was explainable.

I'm thinking, Yeah right, everything is falling together to conveniently and I don't have a clue how I can verify most of them.

He provided me proof of some before I asked. I've been able to verify all but one thing, which I expect to reveal itself today just as we go about our normal business.

It must have been extremely hard for him to come & tell me these things, knowing how I would react (I'm a crier & the more I try to prevent/control it the worse it gets). He has said... I don't like to tell you things I know will hurt you, but it's what you have told me you need, total transparency.

Now I have a smile on my face, but a heavy heart. I don't even know how I can feel to extremely different feelings at the same time.

My head knows he did everything just as I have asked & I've been able to verify, but I'm fighting the "I've trusted before & got burned mentality"

I'm looking forward to the day I realize I trust him again. I know it'll never be 100%, but 99% would be nice.

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50's WH 50's
NC-several, last broken NC 7/2013 (?)
Married 30+ years, 2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ 40157
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great step in the right direction!! I'm happy for you!

I live with that double sided emotion. I smile because I see and feel he wants to do his best to heal me and us from his choices but my heart is heavy because I have to go through this pile of steaming poop. I totally get how strange that feels.

I hope you are able to verify that one last piece and another grain of sand is added to your trust Sandbox. My trust sandbox is empty of any sand and filled with cat poop.

Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad your H is being transparent.

I'm posting, however, to remind you that it's been only about 3 months since he last broke NC. That's too short a time to rebuild trust, so congratulate yourself on not trusting yet.

You're being smart and self-protective, and that sounds great to me.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16782 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♂ 32240
Member # 32240
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm happy for you too. One thing I'm not great at yet is identifying when FWW does the things that I so dearly ask for so recogonize H for his efforts. It doesn't mean let your guard down but don't lose sight of the good in what he did.

Me 41
fWW 37
DD(19), DS(17), DD(11) (Mine, hers, ours)
Together 14y, Married 12
DDay Aug 2010, 4 mos TT & gaslighting
ONS + EA after 15yr Class reunion out of state

Posts: 270 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Minnesota
Topic Posts: 4

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