Thanks for the support. I am glad to hear this is "normal". I just feel like I'm slowly losing my marbles.
Chicho, I've struggled all day to remember what I did and when I started to come out of it. I simply can't remember. So bizarre! I could only come up with this pregnancy analogy. I had a horrid pregnancy with my DS. Preeclampsia (high blood pressure), gestational diabetes, sick from the day I found out I was pregnant until the day I delivered. I was on bed rest for 3 months. I thought I'd never make it and I would NEVER EVER have another baby. The pain, the sickness, all of it was too much. Fast forward 5 years and, well, I remember those things...sort of. I remember being on bed rest, having to poke myself 10Xday to check my sugar, take my blood pressure, go into the doctors office 3Xweek to be hooked up to all kinds of monitors just waiting for something else to go wrong. I remember everything, but at the same time I don't. I guess it's like my brain only recals the "text book" description of what I went through in that pregnancy. I remember it hurt, but can't recall the pain. Now that I've "forgotten," the idea of having another baby doesn't sound so bad.
I think of what good has happened (there has been much) and it always ends with a "but if I was so great and he cared so much why did he do it in the first place?" type statement. It's applicable to any positive change he's made.
I think I'd go off my rocker TarnishedSilver if KB didn't want to talk about it still. I would have been angry right there with you. There is just no justice and I think that is what really, really bothers me. I'm forced to deal with his infidelities whether we are together or apart. The actions of the man who was to forsake me above all others have permanently scarred me and it's just not fair dammit!
He is on board, sisoon, and I know it's killing him. I recall when he finally started to actually get it and things have been going so well since. Now I feel like I'm the one setting us back.
I'm trying to go easy on myself. I baked a couple cakes and worked with fondant all day. Keeps me busy and fondant is like yummy, adult clay. I'm just so scared.