Morning SI. Even though I don’t really post that much I am on the site lurking every day.
Because of my lurking, I usually read just about every post that comes along. I read of everyone’s struggles, everyone’s joy, everyone’s tears, and everyone’s anger. All of the responses from fellow posters are so well written and thought out that I don’t really feel that I can add anything to the posts…so I don’t.
I really try to follow those posters that have DDays close to mine or have multiple DDays like I have. I like to keep up with my brothers’ and sisters’ in the hell that we call ‘surviving infidelity’. However, I have noticed something that is beginning to worry me. Am I doing this R thing all wrong?
My fWH and I are going great. My little family of 3¼ (fWH, DD7, puppy and I) is happier than its have ever been. We spend a lot of quality time together. We laugh. We talk. We play. We go on adventures. We read. We snuggle. All as a family. My fWH and I talk about anything and everything. He shares his feelings and thoughts with me and I do the same. We actually listen to each other. I find that I wake up most mornings with a smile on my face. I feel loved and protected. These feelings had been missing for the 3 years that led up to his A. I am happy, but I fear that my happiness is making me complacent.
Don’t get me wrong, at only 7 months into real R, I still think about the A and the MOW every day which explains the daily trek to SI, but I have no desire to talk about it. Hell, I even stopped seeing my IC because I was ready to move on to focusing our sessions on me, as an individual, and she wanted to continue talking about my fWH and the A. I don’t want any more details. I don’t want to ask for the 1,000th time “why”. I haven’t had bouts of anger at my fWH or cried about the A in months. I want to move past the A and move onto the future.
I know that everyone’s path through the aftermath of an A is different, but it seems that I am not following the ‘normal’ pattern and that scares me. Shouldn’t I need more? Shouldn’t I want to dig deeper to get to the ‘what not’s’ and ‘how comes’? My answer right now is “no”. I don’t want to continue to focus on the A. I want to focus on my life and my family. I feel that if I continue to focus on the A then I am still giving the MOW too much power in my mind and my life. Am I rugsweeping?
Maybe I feel this way because we have not had any contact with the MOW for months. Or maybe I’m thinking this way because deep down I’m worried that the MOW will come back around now that her BS is divorcing her. My fWH and I have a detailed plan for when she makes an unwelcome appearance but he seems to think that she won’t. fWH believes that her ego was too damaged to want to revisit him again. I’m not so sure, but I believe that he will handle it the way we planned.
I think I’ve meandered enough in this post. Thought I had a question, and maybe I still do, but I think I really just needed to get my thoughts out.
Have a great day SIers!
Peace and strength,