Not only do you have a right to be on guard, you need to be on guard until she rebuild your trust - and that takes years. The SI rule of thumb is 2-5 years from the last hurt, and your W's response to your questions counts as a hurt.
What are you doing to heal? I read that she's possibly NC with om, but what about IC for her, IC for you, MC, answering your questions honestly and non-defensively?
Being transparent is also a normal requirement, and it's clear she's not doing that fully.
The A may have been in the past, but healing from the A is very much a here and now process and problem. She doesn't trust you? No - she's just blameshifting and playing word games to make you question yourself.
I think you need to value yourself at least a little more, set out firm requirements and consequences, and hold your W to them.
She's not yet remorseful enough to be your partner. That may happen in the future, but she's not there yet.
Stop walking on eggshells - she fucked up, you didn't. You may be responsible for some pre-A M problems, but you were in the same M without cheating. She chose to cheat - that's on her, not you.
There's another reason for not walking on eggshells. The way you are during R is the way you're setting up your new M. A life spent walking on eggshells isn't sustainable - and isn't worth sustaining, IMO - until death go you part.
[This message edited by sisoon at 10:43 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]