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chloe23 posted 10/10/2013 09:00 AM

I found out my husband of 22 years was having an affair 2 days ago when she commented on a Facebook picture of the 2 of us out on a date night. She outed him because he had ended the affair in August. It began in March. In the Spring we were having some issues regarding his drinking too much and me not knowing where he was after work some nights. I work 12 hour night shifts so when he said he was home I believed him. We talked and worked through this. Went on a beautiful family vacation over our Anniversary in July. Upon return, the drinking started again. He had been depressed about his current job and frustrated with our tight finances as well. About 2 weeks later he left saying he needed to figure some things out. Was going to stay with a friend. We were in contact during this time. Of course I was confused and hurt but tried to be supportive knowing that whatever was going on had to be very serious for him to check out on us physically and emotionally. He returned 5 days later. We talked, he cried for hours. Said he was a failure, hated his job, wanted to do so much more with his life. Wanted to stop using alcohol to drown his sorrows. I put my hurt feelings aside because I love this person very much and would do anything to help him return to the man he was. Including therapy, antidepressants, being OK with a new job search. Whatever he needed. He knew how deeply he hurt me with leaving rather than just confiding in me and worked to rebuild the trust and relationship. Of course, now I know he was with her. He said it was an alcohol infused physical attraction and he wanted to feel "young and attractive to someone else." But it turned into more than a one night affair.Our sex life throughout this was healthy, fun and active. According to him, during the week he was gone he realized he did not want to be with her. He loved me, missed me and wanted our family. He was caught up in this "huge mistake" We continued to rebuild our relationship when he returned. Spending time together, date nights, lots of talking. I felt happy and hopeful. During the last 2 months or so after he ended it...she became more aggressive in demanding he see/talk to her or she was coming to me directly and telling me everything. Last Friday, we went out for dinner and a show. Came home and made love. Felt very, very connected. Very, very loved. The next night, we both worked. He is usually done by 10pm but they are a manager short. He told me he was going to finish "prep" for the morning and just sleep in his office since he had to be in at 6am the next day. I had no reason not to believe him. When in reality, she texted him at work saying if he didn't see her she would be on our doorstep when I got home in the morning. He panicked as he did not want me to ever find out. He stayed with her and had sex with her while I was at work. She demanded the same the same over the next few days and when he ignored her she outed the affair on my Facebook page so that me and all of my friends and family would know. I confronted him that night. He confessed. Continued to tell me how much he loved me and our family. That this is where he wanted to be. The affair was over. I alternated between sobbing, and getting sick. When I say that in a zillion years, I could never have imagined him doing this to us it is not an understatement. When I think about the months of lying and cheating I am physically sick. I don't know what to believe. I don't know who this person is who would be so callous and lacking in integrity and character. This is not my husband. I asked him to leave. As I can't see him without seeing them together. He said he understands and will do whatever I ask. He will work forever to regain my trust if I let him. He will do this with actions not words etc. I am in agony. I miss my best friend. The ache to talk to him is relentless. Tuesday afternoon I was happily married. Tuesday evening my world imploded. I do not know how to do this.I feel so stupid. All the signs were there. I even asked him if there was someone else when he returned from his week away. But I chose to believe him when he said there has never been anyone else. The very worst part is that I still love him. And I despise myself because I do.

lovemy3boys posted 10/10/2013 10:04 AM

That's exactly how I feel! I found out Monday! Our life was perfect until Monday.

It's so easy to people to say "just leave him" but I love him, we have 3 kids together. Do you guys have kids?

I am sick, mad, angry, pissed, sad, betrayed, tired and just over all shocked

TheClimb posted 10/10/2013 10:32 AM

So sorry for your pain Chloe; this truly sucks.

I cannot believe that she posted something to your Facebook page outing not just the affair but acknowledging what a low life tramp she is! Is she married? It is always a good practice to tell the other betrayed spouse if the OP is married. This gives you two sets of eyes watching their behavior.

Also, if you haven't already, check out the Healing Library to the upper left side of your screen. Many, many stories from those of us who have been in your shoes.

Take your time and see how you feel. You have been great so far, asking him to leave was smart. It shows him you are serious and hopefully will give you a little peace as well. Remember, you didn't cause this and you can't fix it. That is all on him. Don't feel bad for loving him, that's what wives do; it's not that easy to turn it off so quickly.

Keep posting...

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