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STBXW posted 10/10/2013 09:55 AM

[This message edited by STBXW at 6:48 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

STBXW posted 10/10/2013 10:03 AM

[This message edited by STBXW at 7:44 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

SisterMilkshake posted 10/10/2013 10:07 AM

I am so sorry you have found yourself here at SI. Welcome to the best club you don't want to belong to.

Have you read anything in the Healing Library? It is located in the yellow box in the upper left hand corner. When you get to the Healing Library page, click on BS FAQ's located at the top of the page. Please read through that and pay particular attention to #11. It is called the 180 and I feel you should be using the 180 now.

You can't talk him back or nice him back. You have no control over this. All you can do is protect yourself. You are telling him once you have the divorce he will never see you again. I don't feel he believes this. Start the 180 so he will see what it will be like once the divorce has gone through.

You won't be doing the 180 to get any reaction from your WH, you will be doing it because it will help you get emotionally detached from WH and get you strong so you will be able to move forward and start your healing. (((STBXW)))

kiki1 posted 10/10/2013 10:09 AM


Wow, you have been put through the mill. Repeatedly.

I'm really not an expert here, I can hardly figure out my own stuff. But, if his affair is dragging on this long and he wont stop it, i dont think you should stick around.

You've made it clear its you or her and he has chosen her. It appears that he remains in contact with you out of guilt.

I'm sorry, stbxw. What a crappy way to treat you. How have you borne it for this long??

Its just a suggestion, but i would move on with my life. Divorce him, let him have the pig.

You deserve happiness, not this misery he is giving you.


doubleboggy posted 10/10/2013 10:09 AM


So sorry. You found the right place though. Look up the 180 in the healing library. You need to do the 180 for yourself not him. Lots of great people here for you.

doubleboggy posted 10/10/2013 10:11 AM

You deserve happiness, not this misery he is giving you.

Yes, you deserve happiness!

STBXW posted 10/10/2013 10:42 AM

[This message edited by STBXW at 7:44 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

STBXW posted 10/10/2013 10:45 AM

I am going to re-read the 180.

I miss him so much. This is just the most ridiculous thing to me. I know it's serious. But I am stunned.

20Hopeful16 posted 10/10/2013 10:56 AM

I am so sorry. I wish I had something helpful I could say to you, but really some days I'm afraid that two years from now I will be in exactly your position. Just want to send lots of hugs.

STBXW posted 10/10/2013 11:18 AM

[This message edited by STBXW at 7:44 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]

TrustedHer posted 10/10/2013 11:24 AM

1. Are you happy?
2. Can you live being treated this way? Being with a man who treats you like this?
3. Has your mind decided to stay, or to go, or not decided?

Your heart will eventually catch up to your mind, one way or another.

If you decide to go, make the commitment. That means hard 180. NC = No New Hurts.

Most people fail on the 180, but the answer is to start over, and do it better, and you do get better with time.

Baby steps.

I really recommend IC. And STD testing.

TrustedHer posted 10/10/2013 11:30 AM

One more thing. I ask you to re-read all your posts on this thread.

How much is really about you, and who you are, and what you do, and what you need?

How much is about him, who he is, what he did, what he needs and wants?

One more piece of advice about the divorce itself. If he really wants it, you can't stop it. You need an attorney to protect your interests, because your STBX surely won't.

You have rights. You need to find out what they are.

Confused85 posted 10/10/2013 11:59 AM

I'm sorry for what u are dealing with right now. I know u love him so much and all these mix signal he give u is confusing, I know u want to change his mind about the divorce but u say it yourself that he still haven't withdrawn divorce petition. I know u don't want a D but perhaps it will be good for u both Like he say u guy can remarry later. I know u think he is making the wrong choice by choosing her, so show him, finalize the divorce give him what he want, let him live with his mistake maybe he will finally realize it. Good luck and lots of hug

3yearlie posted 10/10/2013 12:05 PM

He is an AWFUL person. Holy crap...I am so angry for you. Do the 180. Start dating. You WILL find someone better. With a husband like won't be hard to find.

tushnurse posted 10/10/2013 12:09 PM

Let me get this straight - You have no children, and this man has done nothing but abuse your love and trust for at least 3 years?

You want to know if it's hopeless? He is back and forth with a woman who is an addict?

WHY would you want to stay together, and don't say because you love him, he doesn't make you happy, he doesn't make you safe, he doesn't support you.

Life is short, and can be very short remember that cancer scare, would you have really wanted to spend the limited time you may have had left being in this misery and turmoil? Don't YOU believe YOU deserve more? don't you think you should have a man that puts you on a pedestal, and treat you like the queen you are.

If this was a friend, a sibling, or a loved one, how would you recommend them to handle the situation?

(((((and strength)))))

sisoon posted 10/10/2013 12:25 PM

Gently, consider IC for yourself with a goal of not accepting abuse from anyone, including your STBXH, ever again.

You deserve so much better than you're getting. Unfortunately, there are too many people who will walk all over you unless you are self-protective. It would be great if we all respected each other all the time, but we don't, and that's why you have to protect yourself.

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