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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: anyone else not care anymore?
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two mornings ago we had a blow out fight at 4:30am. I was sobbing he was raging at me so bad... was a tough morning but then I just didnt care. I treated him fine when he got home and we went about our evening as if nothing happened. He was sorry. He wondered if he would see his clothes on the front stoop...

This isn't acceptance. this is my body needing a break. It's like I refuse to "go there" anymore...

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 39802
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't care some days....others I do. its too much emotionalism day in and day out.

Posts: 309 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 32626
Member # 32626
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I reached this point about a week ago. In my case, recovery and reconciliation is hard exhausting work with little rewards. When I start to feel like I don't care anymore, it's my signal that I need to step back and do more self care for me.

I cannot keep giving from an empty well. My SAWH is not willing to fill it so it is up to me to take of ME. I hear and understand what you are saying. It's okay to take a break and take care of you. When you do this, you become stronger and you can see the situation clearer.

((((hugs rachelc)))))

I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?......Pink

BS(me) 59...STBXSAWH 59
Married 40 yrs/4 grown children, 5 grandchildren
DD's-1st on 10/75, now too many too count.

Posts: 111 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Utah
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((rachelc))) Totally get this. Have been there several times. I wish I had been there, at that "removed" state, upon my DD. Would have been easier...'course it would have most likely led to an immediate D.

I think this is just us adjusting to our new know, the one forced upon us by the choices of our fWS.

Like gas prices....they were going crazy for a while...started at $1.50 per gallon...spiked to $4.00 per gallon...fluctuated a lot...finally settling around $3.10 per gallon. Now when we get gas for less than $3.00 a gallon we think it is a bargain.

Emotional spikes go from pre-A state of passively caring to the flip side of obsessing about caring, what it means, how to do it, is she doing it, am I doing it....

The state of "not caring" may be what you eluded just flat worn out trying to predict what the price of adultery (gas) is tomorrow. There is no predictive model that we can rely on to see into the future.

We might have THOUGHT we knew the future...afterall, both BS and WS were at the same alter, vowing the same vows, signing the same contracts....but that reality doesnt exist for us anymore. Furthermore we wonder if it ever really existed.

I know my wife and I have retraced our paths to each other, how we dated, what our marriage was early on, child bearing years, sickness and pain in our families....all of this very tough work. And when we find answers they are not sometimes what we expected to we go on that trail too.

God be with us as we find our way out of the desert and back to His plan for us.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 1:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

Posts: 5810 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whenever we have those big knockdown fights it looks like both of us got our butts kicked.

Our last fight my WH stormed out of the house and I just carried on as usual. I almost feel as though there is nothing he can do that will hurt me as much as he already has. Maybe that's it? I have no idea but I know what you mean.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:31 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

BS/FWS (me):43 Madhatter
WS/BS:46 Serial Cheater
Together 20 years, Married 15
DD(13) DS(10)
DDay(s) Too many to count
False R 7/11/14 Same OW2
"Never seek validation from those who are unworthy."

Posts: 4045 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 5

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