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rachelc posted 10/10/2013 12:02 PM

Two mornings ago we had a blow out fight at 4:30am. I was sobbing he was raging at me so bad... was a tough morning but then I just didnt care. I treated him fine when he got home and we went about our evening as if nothing happened. He was sorry. He wondered if he would see his clothes on the front stoop...

This isn't acceptance. this is my body needing a break. It's like I refuse to "go there" anymore...

ionlytalkedtoher posted 10/10/2013 12:11 PM

I don't care some days....others I do. its too much emotionalism day in and day out.

yousaid4ever posted 10/10/2013 12:21 PM

I reached this point about a week ago. In my case, recovery and reconciliation is hard exhausting work with little rewards. When I start to feel like I don't care anymore, it's my signal that I need to step back and do more self care for me.

I cannot keep giving from an empty well. My SAWH is not willing to fill it so it is up to me to take of ME. I hear and understand what you are saying. It's okay to take a break and take care of you. When you do this, you become stronger and you can see the situation clearer.

((((hugs rachelc)))))

blakesteele posted 10/10/2013 13:49 PM

(((rachelc))) Totally get this. Have been there several times. I wish I had been there, at that "removed" state, upon my DD. Would have been easier...'course it would have most likely led to an immediate D.

I think this is just us adjusting to our new reality...you know, the one forced upon us by the choices of our fWS.

Like gas prices....they were going crazy for a while...started at $1.50 per gallon...spiked to $4.00 per gallon...fluctuated a lot...finally settling around $3.10 per gallon. Now when we get gas for less than $3.00 a gallon we think it is a bargain.

Emotional spikes go from pre-A state of passively caring to the flip side of obsessing about caring, what it means, how to do it, is she doing it, am I doing it....

The state of "not caring" may be what you eluded too...us just flat worn out trying to predict what the price of adultery (gas) is tomorrow. There is no predictive model that we can rely on to see into the future.

We might have THOUGHT we knew the future...afterall, both BS and WS were at the same alter, vowing the same vows, signing the same contracts....but that reality doesnt exist for us anymore. Furthermore we wonder if it ever really existed.

I know my wife and I have retraced our paths to each other, how we dated, what our marriage was early on, child bearing years, sickness and pain in our families....all of this very tough work. And when we find answers they are not sometimes what we expected to see....so we go on that trail too.

God be with us as we find our way out of the desert and back to His plan for us.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 1:49 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

crazyblindsided posted 10/10/2013 17:31 PM

Whenever we have those big knockdown fights it looks like both of us got our butts kicked.

Our last fight my WH stormed out of the house and I just carried on as usual. I almost feel as though there is nothing he can do that will hurt me as much as he already has. Maybe that's it? I have no idea but I know what you mean.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:31 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]