(((rachelc))) Totally get this. Have been there several times. I wish I had been there, at that "removed" state, upon my DD. Would have been easier...'course it would have most likely led to an immediate D.
I think this is just us adjusting to our new reality...you know, the one forced upon us by the choices of our fWS.
Like gas prices....they were going crazy for a while...started at $1.50 per gallon...spiked to $4.00 per gallon...fluctuated a lot...finally settling around $3.10 per gallon. Now when we get gas for less than $3.00 a gallon we think it is a bargain.
Emotional spikes go from pre-A state of passively caring to the flip side of obsessing about caring, what it means, how to do it, is she doing it, am I doing it....
The state of "not caring" may be what you eluded too...us just flat worn out trying to predict what the price of adultery (gas) is tomorrow. There is no predictive model that we can rely on to see into the future.
We might have THOUGHT we knew the future...afterall, both BS and WS were at the same alter, vowing the same vows, signing the same contracts....but that reality doesnt exist for us anymore. Furthermore we wonder if it ever really existed.
I know my wife and I have retraced our paths to each other, how we dated, what our marriage was early on, child bearing years, sickness and pain in our families....all of this very tough work. And when we find answers they are not sometimes what we expected to see....so we go on that trail too.
God be with us as we find our way out of the desert and back to His plan for us.