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Denny (original poster new member #40943) posted at 6:05 PM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013
9 weeks ago I found out that my husband, who works away all week as a truck driver, had made sexual advances to a friend of mine and that he had fancied her from before we got married. We had a terrible few weeks but were trying to work through it when I found out that he spends most of his spare time in his truck on the most sick pornographic sights. Once again after a few weeks of 2 steps forward and one step back we were trying to sort things out then on Monday I found out that he has been sex messaging and sex talking on the phone with a woman whom he knows I cannot stand due to a totally immoral relationship that he had with her just before he met me 9 years ago. He knows the depth of my feeling for this woman so I feel that this was done with intent.
Our sex life is non existant which I feel is due to his obsession with porn and needing that exciting buzz. He says he loves me and is sorry and will seek help for his obsession but I feel that I am capable of murder, I just want to kill him
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 7:18 PM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry. Reading your story reminds me of my first few weeks when it seemed like Every Fricking Day something else would come to the surface to kick my guts out again. As many people here have said, it's quite often not the actual affair that kills a marriage, but the TT (trickle truth) of lies that are exposed over the course of time.
Right now, you need to take care of yourself. Make sure that you're eating, get some sleep, and stay hydrated. Please look up in the upper left corner, in the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Start reading. There's a lot of good information in there for you written by people who have walked the path you're walking now.
Come back often for support. We're all here for you.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
isadora ( member #29130) posted at 9:27 PM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013
Welcome
Its hard coming to terms with finding out the person behind the mask, is the person you really married.
What is he doing to fix himself? Because that is the real issue, until he works on fixing himself - he will not be a safe partner for anyone.
Take care of yourself. Keep posting here. you have found a safe place.
Me: BW Him: who cares
Divorced: 4/2015
2 DDs and 2DSs
Who knows how many affairs at this point
Multiple D-Days
I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.
mysticpenguin ( member #38839) posted at 1:26 AM on Friday, October 11th, 2013
I'm so sorry :( This is not easy.
There is nothing wrong with taking it slow. He can say he is sorry and will seek help, but I would not make any decisions at all until you are ready. Take your time. Make sure his actions line up with his words... not just for a few weeks, but for months, long after the fear of losing you has faded.
Have you read the healing library? It's in the yellow box on the top left of the screen.
(((Denny)))
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