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Confused1829 posted 10/10/2013 12:31 PM

So, I broke up with SO a little over a month ago. It was time, it needed to happen. I really don't miss him at all, it as the right move (we were missing that 'spark', plus he had jealously issues, etc.).

So, I haven't been dating since then. But I did meet someone a couple weeks ago. SOO cute, SOO sweet, I felt that 'spark' I've been missing and haven't felt since XH really! We have been talking every day, he wanted to take me out to dinner last week on Friday (but I had plans with friends and didn't want to blow them off and make a habit of that), so we've been meeting for coffee instead - hes traveling this weekend for work, then I'm traveling, so I figure the bigger date will come when I get back.

I REALLY like him. And was telling a friend about him, and googled him to send her a picture. And what do I find? His facebook - his profile picture of course with what appears to be his girlfriend. what the what?

So I click around further - last picture update, Aug 20, definitely a serious girlfriend - and low and behold when I scroll through I find her and she also has a couply pic of them up too. SERIOUSLY??????

Sigh.. so not that I'm a fan of internet stalking but damn, one should really take a look before going too far down the rabbit hole.

My friend said not to 'NEXT' him right away, ask him straight up - maybe they recently broke up (or maybe he's fishing before he breaks up) or maybe he's a cheater.

Ugh, so frustrating. I SO didn't see this coming. He seemed to so genuine and sweet! Maybe he's a serial relationship person, who knows. Boo. It's just frustrating. I hate dating. Isn't ANYONE faithful anymore???? I know not all men cheat - but why can't I find them???

jo2love posted 10/10/2013 13:08 PM


I'm sorry.

Faithful w/Love posted 10/10/2013 13:12 PM

Kick his ass to the curb, what your friend said is so not cool.
He has a girlfriend, and even if they broke up, it is still baggage. He is a player and all players are smooth operators, that how our wh's were.. Don't fall for one thing he says. Urrgh, but aren't you glad before you might have become hurt and wasted your time or worse a OW?
Sorry sweetie.

[This message edited by Faithful w/Love at 1:14 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

Confused1829 posted 10/10/2013 13:18 PM

Thanks all! The thing is, I'm bummed, yea, but I'm not devastated. Having gone through the massive crap we've gone through really gives one some perspective! I never invest too much in a relationship when it's still early, I'm much more of a realist these days.

My friend wasnt saying to look the other way, she was just saying, well, maybe they broke up? Ask him, just dont be naive. She's right on that. And really guys, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, so it wouldn't have bothered me if he recently broke up yet didn't change his profile pic. BUT that doesn't mean I'm looking to casual date someone who's cheating either!

Sigh - such is the life of being a single woman! Now I know to google before I date :)

Newlease posted 10/10/2013 13:37 PM

When I was dating, I did more than Google. I checked the county court website to make sure they were D when they said they were and that they didn't have any felony convictions. I don't trust people anymore. They have to prove they are trustworthy. Be careful out there!


Faithful w/Love posted 10/10/2013 13:38 PM

Oh Hells Bells, I just saw you are from NY. I am coming to visit you, there has to be plenty of single men there. Not like here where I am from.. Pretty much no men, they are all taken or are all cheats or just gross. LOL...

Just playing, you are young and I am glad that you are watching out for yourself. Google Away girl.. LOL

Undefinabl3 posted 10/10/2013 13:48 PM

(or maybe he's fishing before he breaks up) or maybe he's a cheater.

Yeah....this is redundant.

if he's 'fishing' while with her then he will probably 'fish' on the next girl too.

I say you dodged a bullet.

Must Survive posted 10/10/2013 13:56 PM

If they BOTH have pictures up of each other together and they look romantic towards each other, I would be inclined to FB msg the girl and give her a heads up that he is "dating" you and you though she ought to know.

Might save someone else a heartache.

FaithFool posted 10/10/2013 14:10 PM

I'm guessing he's not travelling for work.

Confused1829 posted 10/10/2013 14:19 PM

Must Survive - I thought about that! But at this stage, I think it might be too much. I mean, we haven't even kissed, we were taking things slow. But if some stuff had gone down I probably very likely would. I did that with OW's BF.

Faithful w/ Love - if ONLY dating in NY was as glamorous as it's shown in Sex & The City! The truth is there are a LOT more women then men (200,000+ it's statistically proven) and most of the good men KNOW they are a hot commodity and are picky as hell - because they can be. They can't turn a corner without a woman coming up to them.

It's rough out there for us normal girls. Let's see, some of my examples in the last 2 years:

1) The "I'm in Love With Myself" guy
Brags about what a hot shot he is, thinking it's going to entice you to want him even more. This is usually common among the Wall Street / Finance guys. Loving referred to as Douches by my crew. They believe every woman wants them becuase it' so easy for them to get women & therefore they have an inflated view of themselves. These are also modelizers (modelizers do exist ladies). Went out with a guy who told me all about his Fiji trip with models the entire date - I seriously don't think he asked me one question about myself. NEXT

2) The: New To New York Guy
Basically want you to show them around while they act like a kid in the candy store - these are the men I avoid like the plague - ugh, Im no one's tour guide! Which leads me too:

3) The On Vacation / Business Trip Guy
Usually looking for the fun 'wild' and 'promiscuous' girl to enjoy (because they all think - thanks to Sex & The City - that we're overly sexually liberated powerful cougar type women) Here's a tip guy, I live here, this is Tuesday in my world, not Spring Break. NEXT

4) The "I'm Just Getting Started Guy"
Typically in his mid twenties. New to the city, new to his career, he's like a kid in a candy store, looking to sleep with as many women as possible. Very similar to #1 and aspires to be him.

5) The "Artist"
Also known as "the unemployed" that believes his creativity will help him make it big. He's too soulful for a paycheck. He's looking to live off you - and be forewarned, he smokes a lot of pot.

6) The Old Rich Dude That Partied too Much in his Youth and Now has Hit the "Oh Shit Phase" of Life
He's looking to be a sugar daddy. He was Dude #1 back in the day but then missed the boat to get married and have kids because he always thought there would be plenty of women to surround him. Now he's in his late 40s or 50s wanting a family - but believes he's only suitable for women in their 20s & early 30s. I've actually known a man that is 42 that said, and I quote "I wont date a woman over the age of 32, because I want to have kids" really buddy? How's that 22 working out for you? But what do I know, perhaps the dust from my dying ovaries has clouded my judgement

7) The Foreign Guy
This is what I was hit with recently and what started the post. In their worlds, cheating isn't so much of a crime, but a way of life in their country. Women are something to be enjoyed - but they don't believe this is needed on a one-by-one basis. Warning, Foreign Guy is also cloaked as a "wanting to get married guy" for green card status.

That's just some to name a few. So yes, come on over. It's an endless parade

I need my own blog. Reality In The City.

[This message edited by Confused1829 at 2:19 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

persevere posted 10/10/2013 19:41 PM

If I was clearly serious with someone, enough so that I had them as part of my profile pic, I would appreciate the heads up from someone my SO had contacted to date. Would you?

persevere posted 10/10/2013 19:41 PM

If I was clearly serious with someone, enough so that I had them as part of my profile pic, I would appreciate the heads up from someone my SO had contacted to date. Would you?

Iamhappytoday posted 10/10/2013 21:46 PM

OMG! Those examples are killing me! I can absolutely picture each one.

Glad you trusted your gut and did a little digging, in spite of the disappointing news.

trebleclef posted 10/10/2013 22:17 PM

Sorry to threadjack, but I couldn't resist adding this from Redneck Country:

8) Mr. Backroads/bold] who is looking for a "hirsute woman to share his holiday trailer and his hobby of garage sale collecting"

9) Mr. "Ryderhard" who has a farmer tan, never set foot in a classy restaurant or a symphony and is looking for a girl with a beer who is one of the boys, but available for sex.

10) Mr. Beer-Belly who is 120 lbs overweight and is looking for a woman "who looks good in a bikini".

11) Mr. Mystic who loves the arts, starlight, alternate spirituality, and listening to CDs he had made of himself singing karaoke which he will gladly play for you between name-dropping.

12) Mr. Baggage who has his pants pulled up to his armpits and morphs into one entire body tic when endlessly discussing his Ex-Wife, because he just "DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.....?!"

Oh, and
13) Mr. WhotheheckAREyou who has no issue simultaneously describing his religious leanings and his hard-on.

No exaggerations here - all from my soap-opera dating post D.

Confused1829 posted 10/11/2013 07:08 AM

LOL! Trebleclef, I guess we all have our experiences don't we? No matter where we live!

AND - can I just say. Because I am 'divorced' and you have to claim that when you sign up for OLD (like on Match) I am literally 'filtered out' for most men that I would date my age. Because, who wants a 31 year old divorce? It's so frustrating to be labeled! I know we all experience it but sometimes I feel like being so young with that 'status' already labels me even before you have a chance to know me. Like, I took marriage seriously, getting divorced wasn't a lighthearted decision and it happened because of some very serious reasons..

SO as part of that 'filtering' the ones that do reach out to me or respond on OLD are usually the "old rich dude looking to be a sugar daddy" guy or other dramatically older men (by like 20 years) with kids and the whole thing because 'they too' are divorced. I mean I get it, I'm not judging, but can't I meet a nice single guy in his 30s (like me!) divorced or not?

I just can't win!

[This message edited by Confused1829 at 7:15 AM, October 11th (Friday)]

jjct posted 10/11/2013 07:37 AM

Idiots don't know what they're missing.

But what do I know, perhaps the dust from my dying ovaries has clouded my judgement


HeartStings posted 10/11/2013 08:44 AM

Maybe it's his sister?


She11ybeanz posted 10/11/2013 08:58 AM

Maybe it's his sister?

You know....that's a high possibility! My XWH has a "Deliverance"-type relationship closeness with his sister and they would totally be in each other's profile pics on Facebook!!

Confused1829 posted 10/11/2013 09:07 AM

LOL! I naively thought in the beginning 'maybe it is his sister!?'

And then I read the comments "cute couple!!" Definitely, not a sister..

SBB posted 10/11/2013 19:33 PM

I need my own blog. Reality In The City.

OMG - those lists killed me!

Mr. Beer-Belly who is 120 lbs overweight and is looking for a woman "who looks good in a bikini".

ETA the divorced Bell Curve changes over the next few years.

I have a GF who has never been married who told me that at around 38 she was tempted to start lying and saying she was divorced because she was getting sick of the insinuation that she wasn't 'normal' by having not been married/divorced already.

Rather than seeing it as them filtering you out try to think of it as them filtering themselves out for you. You don't want someone to waste your time on someone that small-minded.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:39 PM, October 11th (Friday)]

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