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Hurting Big Time posted 10/10/2013 13:06 PM

Hey my SI pals. Been a while. Maybe 6 months or so. Hope everyone that remembers me here is doing well. Hope all the newbies are doing what this site encourages (surviving) and getting stronger.

So my D-Day is tomorrow. 5 years. Hard to believe. In some ways it seems like yesterday...in some it seems like an eternity ago. It's tough because the changing leaves always bring me back to those horrific feelings that I had, and so now I fight through that emotional tie (because I love the changing leaves in the NE). Sigh.

It's been made tougher today because my spouse....well, I just don't know. I haven't checked her e-mail in forever, but did today, and all is good except there's a person she works with that does the "completely over the top" email tags. My spouse is the Director of Studies for an academic department, and this person is a Lecturer there (visiting) and they are writing stuff like "Hey beautiful!" and "Can't Wait to See You!" It's the kind of stuff the OP did all the time. Drives me crazy. I don't know this person. They may be married, they may have a significant other, don't know....but it's not good.

And then....then....I know that my spouse is going to a huge conference in D.C. this November. So I go and look at the list of people presenting (there are over 800), and sure enough...the OP is one of them. The OP is only 27 (my spouse is 44), and I honestly don't know anything about them (are the married, dating, etc). And this is a HUGE conference, and I don't think my spouse even knows the OP is going to be there....but still, it sucks.

The good news - my spouse is part of a panel of 4 and she's staying in a house with one of them (actually it's her friends sister's house) so she's not staying in the hotel.....(I don't know what I would do if that were happening). But again, it just stinks that 5 years out from D-Day, these are the kinds of things I still have to deal with.

Sigh (again). Thanks once more, SI, for letting me vent.

HBT

Razor posted 10/10/2013 13:18 PM

HBT. Sorry you are dealing with this. Personally I would be EXTREMELY suspicious of this new OM.

People who are in committed relationships dont send emails like that.

Im confused a little with our post so I need to ask. Are you going with her to this event? If not can you find a way to go?

Can you find a way to say to your WW that you *are not comfortable with her apparent relationship with this OM?* Their relationship may be new enough that a EA is not that deep yet and maybe a PA hasnt happened. We can hope that anyway. So maybe telling your WW you are not comfortable with her being around him will be enough to end things.

IMO some people refuse to change their habits. If your WW had a habit of no boundaries between her and men. She may have stopped that for awhile but in time she slipped back into her previous bad behavior.

Its sad but I thing we all have to remain on guard for the rest of our lives with our WS. Never taking behavior as innocent or at face value. Its a sad legacy of living through a betrayal.

Morhurt posted 10/10/2013 13:52 PM

I would not be at all ok with those things being said in emails. From your post it sounds like they're both saying them, is that correct? I hope you are planning on talking about it with your FWW.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, I haven't hit a DDay anniversary yet (only 4 months out) but I'm sure it sucks.