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suposd2btheonly1 posted 10/10/2013 13:11 PM

Yesterday was good other than the red dodge charger trigger. Today is different, idk if I'm being unreasonable, if I'm on edge bc the baby was up all night and I didn't really get to sleep until 5am or what. I just need to vent before I become a raging lunatic...

I called the H on his lunch break to talk to him bc I go back to work today and until Tuesday evening we won't get to really see each other bc of job schedules. He's at work, not the job w the OW, his 2nd job he picked up hoping ill quit mine to be a sahm again. I called him while he was ordering and told him call me back but plz text me his card info since I lost mine and needed to pay bills.

After he didn't call me back I text him "soooo, did u forget about me?". He calls and is all "oh I didn't know u still wanted me too call you back. I'm back on the job site now.". I'm like wtf man? Yes I wanted you to call me back bc we won't get to really talk until Tuesday bc your going back to the other job (where OW works too) tomorrow. So yes when I said call me back that's exactly what I meant.

So he's all "well I can't talk now, not unless you want me to get fired" and I'm all "okay well when I say call me back effin call me back".

This really irritates me bc the last time I wanted to talk to him, it was about way more important stuff, I was reaching for him to talk about things in our marriage we were working on. Instead of recognizing that he put his blinders on and started an affair. So yes I'm more than irritated by him not recognizing his wifes need to talk to him, keep the communication open, regardless of the importance.

Now I can't find my van keys and I text him if he accidentally took both sets and he calls me all angry bc he's gonna get in trouble for being on his phone. Well I can't go to work on time wo my keys so I needed to know if he had them.

Him not talking to me regardless of the importance really pisses me off. Especially since it was so easy for him to talk to his little rotten whore about our issues. So yeah I want to talk to him for 30 mins today, personally. He said well ill text you while you're at work...how is that even close to the same?

I'm trying sooooo hard not to lose it. I'm not sure if I'm on eedge bc I'm exhausted or if I'm being reasonable. I just need to vent

[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 1:13 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

MovingUpward posted 10/10/2013 14:31 PM

Deep breaths.

There seems to be many factors at work here that are adding up poorly. You just had a trigger yesterday. You didn't sleep. You are starting a job where it will be several days before you will see your H. H not responding to phone calls. H getting angry. Can't find your car keys.

This is a lot so deep breath. It was good that you got this vent out right now. I think that it would be better to not stew on it but to come back to what you wrote and then pick it a part. Because I think that you are exhausted and you are being reasonable. It is reasonable to want to talk to him today. I can't tell you if that is possible though given the expectations of your two employers though.

I just feel that you just need to revisit this and gauge how much of your response was due to exhaustion. And then talk to your H about the stuff that wasn't because you were exhausted.

suposd2btheonly1 posted 10/10/2013 14:54 PM

Everything you said made so much sense. Thank you so much. Its so hard to not dwell on things anymore. It seems that EVERYTHING comes back full circle to his A and its so hard! Some days. Just don't know if I can handle it and others not so bad.

Its like I'm riding the rollercoaster, the biggest one in the park, and the only reason I'm on it is bc WH forced me ride it. I just wish that when I get off of it I would be like "wow, I didn't want to ride it but so glad you made me do it bc that was such an awesome adrenaline rush! Let's do it again." Instead its like "well shit I guess I'm not getting off this ride anytime soon and I want to so bad bc its so dark and scary"

Thank you for your words, they helped me so much

whiteflower99 posted 10/10/2013 15:13 PM

(((((S2b))))))
Just breathe. You are exhausted. Try to do something special for YOU today.

MovingUpward posted 10/10/2013 15:17 PM

well shit I guess I'm not getting off this ride anytime soon and I want to so bad bc its so dark and scary

This maybe the case but you aren't alone. Many of us are with you on that coaster or have been on that coaster. You will survive this in some shape or fashion.

suposd2btheonly1 posted 10/10/2013 17:05 PM

Thank you all! Its so nice to know I'm not alone. It makes me really sad that it seems like every time I log on here there's a newest member