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Time to be done with the in-laws

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newlysingle posted 10/10/2013 13:27 PM

So the in-laws are in town this week visiting the Gnat and his Hello Kitty whore. I thought I was going to be okay with it, but I'm not. I had always been close to his family and had a really good relationship with them. Even after DDay his mom would call me and cry about what he had done. She even cried the day our divorce was finalized.

I know he's her son and blood is thicker than water, but they certainly didn't take ling to accept Hello Kitty into the fold. They are staying at her house and she's cooking for them and kissing their assess like none other. I can't handle it. MIL even made a big deal before they came about getting together with me (just me and them) during the visit, but now they appear to busy with the whore.

I'm more heartbroken than I ever thought I would be. I have very little family left and always liked the feeling that I had his family too. It's not the case anymore and I realize that. I need to distance myself from them for my own well being. It's just too hard trying to have a relationship with them.

To add insult to injury, the Gnat is being a giant ass about a ladder he took from our house. Our divorce decree clearly stated that he was only to take personal items. Well, he took the ladder and all tools and claims they are his personal property.

I need the ladder for some projects around the house this weekend. He is in a rental and doesn't need a ladder. He is refusing to even respond to my texts about it. I seriously hate him.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 1:29 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

Must Survive posted 10/10/2013 13:47 PM

I am sorry Newlysingle about the inlaws. It is just one more hurt. You are braver than I, I cut the inlaws out of my life the minute I drew legal papers. They are a major part of Foo for STBXH and have no boundries.

From where I sit, friends end up being like family for me.

(((NS)))

Markone posted 10/10/2013 14:08 PM

It's hard. ((NS)) I viewed in laws from my first marriage of 15 years, as my family. My dad died young, and my FIL played a major role in my young adult life. It was hard to have to change but like you, things couldn't stay the same.The thing is, they are still my children's grandparents and it's inevitable that our lives continue to intersect. Now, with that divorce, I didn't have an OP in the mix, but I will say over time the relationship evolved and is in a good place today. I get invited to events that center around the kids, but not other "family" occasions. That works just fine for me.

With current STBX, in-laws to the curb! they were part of the problem

courageous posted 10/10/2013 14:37 PM

(Newly single)

It sucks when the inlaws betray us. I thought my in-laws were on my side because they said they were so sorry for what he did to me. Yet during the temp. Custody hearing my mil under oath said I wasn't a good SAHM because my house was dirty one of the times she came to visit and that I LET wh cook.

It hurt when I realized I couldn't trust them and that it was one more betrayal to add to the increasingly long list of betrayals.

Gottagetthrough posted 10/10/2013 14:44 PM

oh man, understand that. my in laws were very close to OW, more so than me. When WH left OW, she continued to call his family members and MIL was telling him that OW wanted him back.

When WH told his mom that he wanted to reconcile with me, his wife of 10 years and mother to his children, she said, No, you don't need to be with anyone.

I know its especially sucky when you have kids who the in-laws will see. I *still* have a hard time with my kids hanging with the in laws. I don't want them to get their messed up morals!!!

HUGS

Merlin posted 10/10/2013 16:25 PM

Blood is indeed thicker than water. We don't have to like that, we just have to accept it.

BTW, unless she got paid, she is not a whore, she is a slut.

StillLivin posted 10/10/2013 16:39 PM

newlysingle,
I'm so sorry. It just isn't fair or right! This has to hurt so much. It hasn't happened to me yet, but I expect it will soon....Shrek is about 7 months pregnant and found out a few days ago.
I hope your day gets better.
As for the ladder, can you borrow one from a neighbor until you can get another one or the gnat stops playing games and returns it?

newlysingle posted 10/10/2013 18:29 PM

I got my ladder back! The gnat finally gave in on that one.

Thanks everyone, it really helps to know I'm not alone. I think it's time I out some distance between myself and them. They'll always be the grandparent's of my children , but they're nothing to me any longer.

I do think she's a whore, because she does get paid. She is currently sitting on her ass while he supports her.

I can't believe Shrek is pregnant. Ugh, I'm so sorry StillLivin! Can't wait to commiserate over sangria on Saturday.

Man, Gottagetthrough, what a blow that they chose OW over you like that. What a bunch of asshats!

Griefstricken25 posted 10/11/2013 00:13 AM

My former in-laws were seemingly supportive of me and I thought our relationships would remain pretty much intact. But as soon as they started fawning all over OW, that was it for me, and I cut off all contact, unless it has to do with my children. It was too painful for me, and I needed the distance in order to heal.

The distance has allowed me to see the dysfunction that has ALWAYS been there, and I'm SO glad I have nothing to do with them.

wannabenormal posted 10/11/2013 02:36 AM

I know what you're going through. My in-laws were awesome, but at some point they have to side with their blood. Love or hate OP, the OP is part of the package now, so family accepts.

That was hard on me as well because I LOVED XH's family and they loved me...but they can't love him & his wife AND like me too.

When XH left, he had so many days to get his shit out of the house. 3 months later, I'd packed most of it and called him to come get it. He did. He didn't want ask or anything more than what I'd packed (he more or less took what he wanted when he moved out - I pretty much packed 'leftovers'). Fast forward a few months later - OW had bought a house here. All the sudden, apartment dwelling XH wanted some gardening tool 'back'. I wouldn't give it to him; it was petty I guess (As I don't need, want or know how to use it) but I knew he wanted it for HER house. Technically I was right, so I held out. Go buy your own dumb tool!!!!

stronger08 posted 10/11/2013 02:43 AM

Its tough with in-laws. I was very close to mine. Matter of fact I knew them before I even met my XWW. My MIL introduced me to her daughter as we worked together. Sadly MIL passed away young from cancer before the shit hit the fan. But most of the clan sided with her and kind of wrote me off. And those who do keep in touch with me don't have any interaction with my XWW. Its a very sad thing to go through. Given the circumstances its par for the course. It don't lessen the hurt any, but your better off without that attachment hanging over you. Hang in there kiddo.

Ashland13 posted 10/11/2013 10:26 AM

I'm sorry, NS.

Some of this I'm dealing with, too. When I have trouble or find out they did something else to me, and distance myself, the ones who still contact me whine and some have told me "I'm hurting the family" by not attending their gatherings.

These are people who talk about having to accept OW and I don't know how people think they can accept an OW and it's the xwife's job to always take the high road? How much strength do they think we have?

I, like you, run out of strength for putting myself aside, if it's ok it sounds like that's kind of what's happening with you. I've also had some snub me, very close ones, and some go right to XPervet with things I may have said.

The best thing sometimes seems to be NC because it's just another place to be hurt that hinders our recovery.

I still gawk at the gall of the OW's.

newlysingle posted 10/11/2013 23:23 PM

Update on the in-laws!

So today was Dd's birthday party. MIL called me and said she and FIL wanted to come and needed directions. When they got there they apologized profusely for not spending more time with me. However, they had spent the last few days visiting a distant relative and some old friends of theirs here in town. I had to laugh because I should have known, this is so typical of them! My MIL feels some weird need to visit every person she has ever known that lives in a city she visits. She ends up wasting all of her time doing this and then has no time for the people she intended to visit.

Anyway, so they really spent very little time with the Gnat and Hello Kitty. I'm sure the Gnat was pissed about it. So they came to the party and at the end FIL gave me a big hug and again apologized for not spending more time with me and promised to spend a night at my house the next time they came. He then looked right at me and said "you will always be more important to us than some other people around here. Don't ever forget that". I told him that that meant a lot to me and I really appreciated it.

I know our relationship is never going to be like it was, but it was nice to know they hadn't completely dismissed me and fallen head over heels for Hello Kitty.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 11:25 PM, October 11th (Friday)]

ExposedNiblet posted 10/12/2013 13:13 PM

That's a good update NS. Your X-in-laws sound like genuinely nice folks, and I'm sure after their visit, your mind has been put to ease a bit.

In the midst of all these warm fuzzies though, I'd advise you to proceed with caution. They are, after all, the parents of Gnat, and although they are understandably disgusted and angry with him, their allegiance, when pushed, will likely be with him.

It would be wonderful if you were able to continue having a close relationship with your X-in-laws, but you should understand that it will likely not be the case. Whether you all drift apart now or down the line, the shift will happen eventually, and it's best if you begin preparing for it now.

I don't wish to be a Debbie Downer here, but I don't want to see you hurt even more. Please do what you can to protect yourself.

Good luck.


newlysingle posted 10/12/2013 14:17 PM

I realize that. That's why I said I know we won't have a relationship like we had before. I was just starting to worry that they'd accepted her so easily and it appears now that isn't the case. She's going to have to work for it.

Linus1968 posted 10/12/2013 20:43 PM

Newlysingle, sorry about that. My in-laws told me at first they did not want to meet the OM till the divorce is final. Well, that did not go to far. Unfortunately, we attend church at the same building, so, I see them every week. Immediately after the divorce call, I would talk to them, but after a couple of certain conversations with them (I will not list to save time), I just became cordial and shook hands, but hugs stopped. I think it hurts the MIL A LOT. But, I think she is not sure what to say. I know she is still beside herself that her daughter has done this. They are thankful I bring my kids to church.
But, I was not the SIL anymore, the OM man is...sort of...
Last June, the FIL has told me they went to a birthday party of the OC at the OM's house, and said to me that house has a weird feeling in it. I just looked at him like "oh, ok...AAAANNNDDD....why are you telling me this, and why would it feel ok?"
It is hard. I can tell they hate what their son has done to you. They know it. I am sure they talked about it on the way in and out of town. But, it has been mentioned, and you understand it will never be the same. But, you remember, you are stronger then they know. Time will help heal. I have been there. I see them every week. Keep your head high. That is the best thing to show you kids and the in-laws.
Hugs

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

ruinedandbroken posted 10/12/2013 21:18 PM

I was very close with my MIL and that family. I have very little family of my own so I considered them just as much family as my own blood. MIL supported me but always made/makes excuses for poor widdle xwh. It is so hard to hear. Xh and OW broke up before MIL had to meet her, Thank god! But if that skank-whore bitch would have been accepted into the family there is no way I could have handled that. I think for your own emotional well being you should cut them out of your life as much as you can.

Online definition of whore: "A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain."

In my opinion, that makes her a whore.

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