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teeghan posted 10/10/2013 13:57 PM

I am nee here but have lurked awhile. First background then questions. I need serious advice.

I was dating my ex bf for 12 years. He talked me into getting pregnant after 3 years. My son was born in Jan 2005 two years later my daughter was born. That is when he started staying at work "late" every night. Like until midnight. He started being secretive and every thing he said was a lie.

One year after my daughter I had to have an emergency full hysterectomy at the age of 32. Lost my ovaries and all. Menopause sucks btw ladies. While in the hospital my kids went to grandma's house so he could stay with me. I was in for four days. He spent a total of 30 minutes. I.would later learn he was in a hotel shacked up with some slut he met the day before off craigslist. After that I knew he was cheating but did not have proof. Then Sept 2012 I finally learned he was in a 10 month affair with an 18 year old. She had been 18 by only three weeks when they started hooking up. He was 35. Awesome right? NOT!!!

I ended things. He asked that the kids and I stay in the house and he would pay the bills until I could get employeed and some money saved. We had a three story house so he moved into the basement.

All was ok until I started dating a friend if mine that I use to work with. He hss gotten s divorce, said hi on FB to me and we went out. We always had this chemistry but were in relationships so we never acted inopriate. He was also cheated on bad by his ex-wife. So we started to date and go slow.

My kids are not legitimate in the state of Ga by my ex btw. I finally got a job (start Monday) and signed a lease on a home to move in next month.

On Saturday I told my ex and he lost it. He was screaming at me in front of the kids, tried to kidnap tbe kids until I got them in my car and had them lock the doors. Then I tried to call 911 four times all four times he hung up my phone and finally took it from me. He held me down inside the house, drug me up the stairs by my ankles and then told me he could kill me to where no one could find me.

I finally broke loose after 45 Min and got into my car with kids. I tore out of the driveway and to my surprose here came a cop. 911 looked up my number and dispatched the cop to the address where I called in last year when my daughter for choked. They took a chance that paid off.

my legs were bleeding. My arms and ankles already had bruises from how hard he was grabbing and holding me. They arrested him after I got the kids inside the house. He stayed in jail until Monday night. The judge would not set bond until I got my TPO and had him served in the jail. The victim advocate pit us in a confidential location and our hearing is Wednesday at 10 am where my attorney is asking for a 12 month tpo and child support of $950 a month.

Keep on mind i have been emotionally abised by him for years which started after my son was born. I have been physically abused the last 2 years but was always to scared to take a stand. I am terrified of this man. I mean i really think he could kill me. Even the judge i saw Mondah for TPO is worried too. He warner me a tpo usually Makes them more violent and to always know my surroundings.

Here are my questions:

1) anyone here ever get a tpo? What is the hearing like? Will the judge really look at how he is a liar all the time and see through it?

2) any idea on ways to make extra income? My salary isnt going to support me and kids. Right now i have $3.83 to my name. I hate knowing i have no way to raise kids. Sucks so bad right now i hate not knowing where i will living or how i will afford gas or food

3) how ling does it take for an answer if you apply online for food stamps and what is my chaces of approval? My new job is only $30k a year. That is it and i must pay daycare rent, insurance, Utlilties etc.

4)any other advice on something i might not be saking.

Thank you. I am just scared and worried and i just need to vent.

1devastedmom posted 10/10/2013 14:09 PM

Oh my, I'm so sorry. I don't have experience with orders of protection but I grew up in a home where my dad beat my mother. I couldn't just read and not respond. If you think he will harm you please find a shelter or somewhere else that he won't find you. If you can't please let your neighbors know to call the police if they see him near your house. I'll never forget calling the police as I hid in the closet at the age of nine while my dad attacked my mom with a knife. I'm sure there will be someone soon with more advice.

teeghan posted 10/10/2013 14:17 PM

Thank you. I will never go back. Never.

The sheriff dept and my victim advocate do have us in hiding. Only two people know where we are. my TPO list my residence as confidential along with my job and the school is moving the kids to a new undisclosed location monday. They will provide special transportation to take the kids which helps a lot. The school now is one mile from his house. Thus why we are changing. I am going to find a new home and cancel the place i.was going to rent. It is owned by one of his friends so now i am afraid to be there.

Thank you for responding.

headdesk posted 10/10/2013 14:34 PM

You're taking the right steps, sorry that you're in this position. It will take a while to heal and to wade through the mess, but it is beyond worth it.

Reach out to non-profits and government resources alike. Many will have access to emergency funding to help you for the next bit.

Seek IC if you can - the trauma you've been through is immense and will take a while to heal. You will come out of this stronger but it's a heck of a way to do it, I know.

I'm so glad you're away from him and protected. He won't get better. He likes the control this gives him. He'll blame it all on you and not take responsibility. It's gross, but that is the way they are.

Huge hugs.

tushnurse posted 10/10/2013 14:40 PM

Your Victims advocate should be helping you with some of this stuff.

Anyway, I am not sure how long it take GA to process application for food stamps as those are state programs. I would say you need to apply for WIC as well. You should qualify for HUD housing too.
As a single mom of 2 small children there are all kinds of support services that are available, again most are state specific, so your Victim Advocate should be able to help you or put you in touch with a SW, who will help you navigate some of this.

What you can do to get you some funds, and help? Google Catholic Charities, they should be able to get you some funds to tie you over.

Google local food pantries they will get you food, and toiletries.

Do you have any relatives of friends? Most folks really are willing to lend a hand when you are trying to seriously get out and break the cycle.

Whatever money is in the checking account he has is technically half yours, and you are entitled to it, until you are divorced.

Be proud of yourself for breaking out of the cylce of abuse, and standing up for yourself and your kids.

((((and strength)))))

confused615 posted 10/10/2013 14:44 PM

Go to the office where food stamps are issued in your county as soon as possible You can apply for emergency assistance..sometimes you can get benefits the same day,IIRC.

Im so sorry. Your poor kids,having to witness that. All of you need to be in IC.

Im glad you are all safe. I've lived with abuse as a child,and as an adult. I understand your fear.

((((teeghan))))

gonnabe2016 posted 10/10/2013 14:44 PM

Will you have a lawyer with you at the tpo hearing?

teeghan posted 10/10/2013 14:50 PM

Gonnab yes i have an attorney. My victim advocate set me up with one and she is working on now to be ready for wednesday.

I also just got a call from a deputy. Arema he contacted them to set up to meet me to get some of his "belongings" i told the deputy he was funny. The deputy asked me what does that mean. I said we are in hiding. We only left with a handful of clothes. He bas control over the residence. Not me. Even the deputy said what a jerk. He was calling him now to ask what was he trying to di if he has the home and belongings.

I am not married and we never shared a checking account together. He is not even legitimate in the state of georgia. He has zero say with kids so hopefully wednesday Góes well.

nowiknow23 posted 10/10/2013 14:55 PM

(((((teeghan)))))) I don't have any experience with what you are going through, but I am holding you and your kids in my thoughts. Stay safe, honey.

teeghan posted 10/10/2013 15:00 PM

Thank you. Being on here reading does help me some. It just Sucks as my kids do not ever. Need to be in that. They are just kids you know?

They start counseling next week and i start the following.

TrulySad posted 10/10/2013 15:13 PM

I've had a year protective order on my XH. It was crap, and never stopped him from anything. Do whatever you can to protect yourself.

Our town has a woman's shelter that is only for women and children. The women live there, in a secured facility, the children are picked up by the school bus there, they provide daycare, shelter, and assistance for you to eventually get out on your own. Not only that, they wont allow men on the property. Look for something like this.

Talk with a victims rights counselor. The police department has to have referrals for you. You may need to leave your town. Don't leave a trail. Stay off of FB. It will give your exbf clues.

Do you have any friends or family, out of state, that you can go to?

Whatever you do, don't give up. You're strong and can and will get through this. I'm just so sorry it's a part of your's and your children's lives. It's so wrong.

Feel free to message me if you have any other questions...

Truly posted 10/10/2013 16:02 PM

Just wanted to send love hugs to you and your children. (((((((Teeghan and babies))))))
Well done for being so brave and getting out. I am sure Monday will go well, everyone is on your side.
A new, better life is waiting for you.

Be vigilant, stay safe

emotionalgirl posted 10/10/2013 21:50 PM

Just want to say say safe...my thoughts and prayers are with you. Check in when you are able so we know you and your children are safe. You don't know how amazing you are for getting out of a horrible situation. God bless you all.💓

teeghan posted 10/10/2013 21:56 PM

Oh thank you emotional girl. I will definitely be checking in. I applied to food stamps online and it said they can approve jt and get me benefits within 7 days. My victim advocate is helping on the application too.

She is also helping me look for section 8 housing and gave me info for a couple churches that offer assistant as well.

We are trying to get going in right direction. Hour by hour is how we are approaching this. All we can do you know?

Skan posted 10/10/2013 22:29 PM

Sweetie, I'll be praying for you and putting you and your children out on our prayer list. I know that you have to be feeling absolutely overwhelmed mind going in circles, frantic. Let me tell you something that you might not know about yourself.

You are strong. You are a warrior. You got out and you got your children out. You are getting help and you've got people helping you IRL (in real life). You did all of that. You're stronger than you think you are.

(((hugs))) Keep coming back. We're all here to support you.