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Newest Member: Wontbebitter (61828)

User Topic: Clarity
♀ 35214
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have achieved clarity for myself...finally....

This past week I went on a trip to KY with my mom and sister. Previously I had posted about having a lot of anxiety about being apart, very triggery, etc.

But the moment we got into the car and left the house, I realized. I don't care anymore. And I gave myself permission to be okay with that. I tried, for almost two years now, to make it through this with my marriage intact. And it hit me - I'm done. What I feel for him is friendship; that's all. I realized to my core what I always knew but wouldn't admit until now- All this....crap...the betrayal, the lying, all the BS his EA brought with it was a deal breaker for me. He's been the model H since second round of stuff in May. And it's too little, too late. It doesn't make me weak or flawed, it just means this boundary of mine just cannot be crossed without consequences. I will not stay where I cannot trust. No tears, no sadness, no anger, just relief.

We've found out that H has a defective heart valve. We see the cardiologist on Tuesday. I will stay until he gets through whatever happens with that, because no one should be alone going through that. And I do care about what happens to him. But once we get him through that, I'm gone. It's the healthiest decision I can make for me.

Me: BS(45)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(52). D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/13. Divorced 1/10/14.

New chapter of my life- married 11/13/15 to the man I'd thought I would never find.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.

Posts: 443 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
♀ 37418
Member # 37418
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I want to be where you are. When I'm with my family I have so much strength but they live so far away from me. I don't want to stay where I cannot trust too...You've giving me hope someday. I'll be there too. I'm just starting a "second round of stuff"

"Pain is mandatory for all of us. It's what teaches us. Suffering is what's optional. That's what happens when we try to skip over the pain."-Glennon Doyle Melton
BW(me)-49 WH-48
Married 23yrs
D-day 8-2012

Posts: 115 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 2

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