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cardnial posted 10/10/2013 18:16 PM

H has been gone almost 3 months, now he says he is sorry wants to repair our marriage and come home. He said he gave me the 3 month separation and now I should give him 3 months to make it right. I am scared to be hurt again, even wonder can I really love him now. Don't know what to do, he says he will be here next week. He is driving in from Az. HELP

doggiediva posted 10/10/2013 18:28 PM

I wish I had this option..Don't take him back just yet..Just don't..

Let him live apart from you and work on himself..

There is never any time constraint(just what we have in our minds) to work on something of this magnitude..

If somebody wants to be in your life, he or she is in it for the long haul...He or she will do whatever it takes to repair any injury/damage done to you...

momentintime posted 10/10/2013 18:40 PM

Do you have any say in the matter? Or is he just driving to you next week and expecting to stay with you. (Oh because he has made HIS decision...great for him, but it takes two to make a M.) Don't let him rush you into co-habitating, until you are certain you want to try. So often they come home, want to sweep it under the rug and act like old times. Sorry that M is dead, and a new one needs to be built. He better understand that going in. You don't need him yanking you around and in 6 mos leaving again or starting up with someone new.

JustWow posted 10/10/2013 19:53 PM

ummmmm...NO WAY!!

He "gave" you a 3 month separation? Or did he TAKE a 3 month hiatus?

If it were me, I would make sure all the locks were changed before he arrived back in town. I had this done - after hours- 4 doors and the after hours call cost me about $200. Well worth it.

Not to say don't consider your options here, but truly, don't let him consider you to be an option - you need to see that he regards you as a priority.

Take it slow if you are even thinking about trying.

You are the prize here. Treat yourself as such.

[This message edited by JustWow at 7:54 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

anewday78 posted 10/10/2013 21:41 PM

Cardinal, I think you know the answer to your dilemma. I understand you're lonely right now and that scares you, but are you any lonelier thofan you'd be in a marriage with a "husband" who is not present and down right abusive? You mention in your profile that your grown daughters live in other states while you're alone in your dream house. Is there any way you can move closer to your daughters so you have your support system closer to you? This would certainly kill a lot of the loneliness. In case you're still feeling weak and considering letting this jerk dictate the fate of your future with (or without him), let's recap some of your recent posts:

older daughter is very bitter, she remembers how he was so mean to her when he was out whoring around in the early years.
This has been going on since your grown daughters were very young. For DECADES! When will enough be enough for you? This "man" has never made you happy. You've just accepted his abuse and it's time to end the viscous cycle. No more rug sweeping. It's too late for him. At 66 years old, he is who he is, and, who he is is somebody who does not deserve another chance.
He also had 6 women in his chat room on line in his secret email acct. fake name, lots of planning and deceit.
So his latest married other woman wasn't the only one? He is sick. You can not fix him. You deserve to be happy. You've put up with ENOUGH of this. It's time for you to enjoy the rest of your life and your retirement. How will you ever be able to do that if you have this kind of nonsense happening in the background. It's ridiculous and you must put an end to it. The only way you can put an end to it is to sever ties with him.
I don.t even know what to do next. I just set and stare and think omg why has this happened again.
My heart hurts for you here. I can feel your loneliness from here. You need your kids and your grandkids. You need to surround yourself with the people you love and who LOVE YOU BACK.
He emails me every few days to lash out at me about how I threw him out.
Do not take his calls anymore. He is abusive and this is evidence that he has no remorse and simply does not care about you. He should be calling to see how you are doing and apologizing for what he's done to you all these years. Instead, he's lashing out at you over the fact that you're no longer tolerating his abuse. He's blaming you for the fact that this time HIS actions came with consequences for HIM. Is that not ridiculous? He is abusing you. He is sick.
Now he says he will always love me but he's not in love with me ?? Is that the ultimate kiss off or what?
Yes, but his actions have been saying even worse - FOR DECADES.
He doesn't even want to try to fight for our marriage and our family, He called both of his daughters and left them messages to say goodbye. He knows how to cut people out of his life, I have seen him do it with his family members.
What marriage? Cardinal, I don't mean to come off as insensitive - I literally cried reading some of your previous posts - I just want you to continue standing your ground and take it further. Get an attorney and get yourself into therapy. You have suffered years and years of abuse and you MUST break free from this dark force that's been in your life for so long. It's time he experiences what it's like to be cut out of the lives of others. You need to do to him what comes so easy to him - run and don't look back. Please think long and hard about what I've written here. Don't let him back in.

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