I was writing a post earlier this evening and realized that I need to put X into the “Does not exist in my world” box/compartment. Let me explain.
OW was a family member, not a stranger. After dday I obsessed about her. One day someon on this board told me that I was giving her free real estate, I was allowing her to take up space in my brain rent free. That really struck me and I worked hard to put her into the “Does not exist in my world” box. It took quite a while (at least a year or 2) but I finally put all of her there and she no longer resides in my head in any form or fashion. She is a meaningless nobody who once hurt me. She takes up no more space in my head than the mean girls from middle school.
But I have not put X there. I need to, but of course that is more difficult. I shared a life with him, I have a child with him, I loved him like I have loved no other in this life. I would like to say that he does not matter anymore, but that is simply not true. He is still residing in my head rent free and I think about him most every day. And every day it bothers me because I have come so far in my healing but I am still hung up on this ass hole. And as I wrote this post earlier, I realized that I have not tried to put him in the “Does not exist in my life” box. It seems so obvious now that I should have, but I simply never did. Maybe because putting him into that box would mean putting a good chunk of my life into that box. But honestly, that chunk of my life is kinda already in the box! So my goal in healing for the next year or so is to put X into the box. I did it with OW so I know how to do it. Now I need to Just Do it!!!
[This message edited by Dreamboat at 10:25 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]