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Newest Member: lostsoul8008 (61557)

User Topic: Handling negative influences
♀ 39006
Member # 39006
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH wants to visit his divorced parents (each with new partners) who live in a town quite a distance from us.

Before the affair he was not close either of them and rarely wanted to visit. They were concerned for HIM when the affair came out and were ready to support him whatever he chose to do. They are indulgent and selfish and had several affairs of their own.

My husband has had more telephone contact with them since his A ended as he has no friends to turn to in the aftermath of the affair.

He wants to visit them.

I am anxious about this because I feel they never really liked me and probably feel my WH was justified in having the A. I see them as enemies of our marriage now as they would have welcomed AP.

I have tried talking to WH about this, the only reason he is visiting is because he should, its been a while, I tried to tell him I was worried, that they are happy and smug after they had their affairs and that they don't see what has happened as a big deal. They are forgiving and thats something I cant be yet (maybe never will be).

I don't want to be controlling of what my WH chooses to do but feel strongly that his folks are weak people who have no morals and certainly didnt teach their son to consider others. We are trying to R but I know my WH is unhappy, his parents may well say he made the wrong choice and he should have gone off with the AP.

Not sure what to do. How do I handle this?

Me 42
FWH 39
3 kids, 13,8,6
Dday 3/30/13
R- fragile

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2013
SI Staff
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping in hopes that others who can relate will read and give advice.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
♀ 38391
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand your anxiety. I felt the same way. I sometimes worried that WH's family would not have the right attitude towards what he did.

Luckily, for the most part they did. But whenever they didn't, WH would call bull.

Someone blamed it on his ADHD. He called bull. Someone blamed it on stress. He called bull.

So, hopefully if your WH's attitude is in the right place, a similar thing might happen.

You might want to go through scenarios with him in order to ease your anxiety. Like...What would you say if they say this...kind of thing. It would also let him know that how he responds to things will be very important to you.

Good luck.

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1162 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 3

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