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Newest Member: Lostlonely35 (50561)

User Topic: hidden costs of infidelity
♀ 39000
Member # 39000
Shocked  Posted: 7:57 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mom just called, her mother, my last remaining grandparent, passed away last night. It's been over a year since I'd seen her. I would've seen her just weeks ago...this summer...but DDay was in late April so we canceled our plans to spend the summer in our (northern) home state, as we customarily do.

Grandma was 91, and has been in steadily declining health, so we knew it was imminent, and she's Home now. She outlived two husbands, all of her children and grandchildren survived her, and she kissed a score of great-grandchildren.

The realization that my stupid, deranged choices kept me from getting to see her again, is crushing me like a ton of bricks right now. I'm sitting out at a coffee shop (killing time between kid-drop-off and IC) weeping. Which is actually pretty encouraging, as I've lived most of my life profoundly disconnected from my emotions and hardly ever cried. Even at times like this.

The hidden costs of infidelity.

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
Former motto: "Fake it till ya make it." Now: "You can't win if you don't play."

Posts: 1460 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you, 2Wrongs.

I ruined the experience of DS starting college and the birth of my brother's first child.

Memories that should have been happy are tainted forever and we can't get them back. I hate it that our precious niece's birthday is a huge trigger for my BH (and me).

I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I'm glad you are recognizing the positive changes you are making towards healing.

Do not just slay your demons, dissect them and find what they've been feeding on.

Posts: 46466 | Registered: Sep 2007
♂ 39665
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Creating a "Cost of Infidelity" ledger is not pretty, from the "nickel and dime" entries to the "priceless" ones.

Selfishness is like writing check after check when you know your balance is already less than zero.

20Wrongs - would writing and circulating some type of "memory of grandma" letter/email to your family be an exercise which might connect you to her and let you express positive feelings, care, and appreciation.

Yes, your behavior "cost" you something dear. But you are aware, "owning it" and sharing your feelings in a positive way. That's darn good, right?


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 51. Her: BW, 50. Married 20 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 404 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Topic Posts: 3

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