I wanted to post a message of hope for all of you who have just found out or who are in the early stages. We just had our one year antiversary on Wednesday.
In the beginning I didn't think we would make it. As more and more details came out I felt like I was dying. I remember feeling like there was a physical knife in my stomach turning and turning with pain.
No one should have to feel that kind of pain, but I did. Through some counseling and lots of internal searching and celebrate recovery. We have learned a lot about ourselves. I was codependent. I am working on this still and will probably have these tendencies my entire life. He figured out that he is a sex addict and must work deeply on the hurt that was inflicted in his childhood and not act out to inflict hurt on others now.
We hit many turning points through out this journey and some were high points and some hurt. But today we are better for it. I never thought that letting the skeletons out of the closet could mean a better marriage and lead to my husband becoming a christian for real, instead of just pretending. Yes I wish we could have arrived here in some other way but that's not what God had intended. And yes I am still healing. I still have moments of fear and triggers but we handle them together and look forward to the day when we don't even think of his affairs anymore.
In September, on our 12th anniversary, we renewed our wedding vows and for this we wrote our own vows. His spoke of how badly he hurt me and how he vows to never do that again. It was so sweet and wonderful. And then a few weeks ago we found out that we are expecting again! Such wonderful things are happening in our lives! Hold on if you can. You never know what is just around the corner.