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LearnToLoveAgain posted 10/11/2013 09:01 AM

Hi i'm new here and I don't really know where to start...I know my stories not as sever as others but the hurt is unbearable...I guess I should start from the beginning. My husband called me immediately after it happened. He was completely upset with himself and distraught. He told me "I did the worse/stupidest thing I could ever do" and I couldn't believe it. He slept with someone else..well kinda (more on that later) I was in shock and felt like my world came down on me. I immediately came home and it was non stop tears and screaming on my end for atleast 5 hours. I contacted the other girl, someone ive never met, who fed me a bunch of lies (yes I believe my husband especially cause others were there and backs up his side of the story) and that got me nowhere but more angry. We are in counseling now, and everything came out there. She knew he was married and didn't care, and once he started the act he immediately stopped and had his "oh shit what have I done moment" of his life, well that's what he tells me. The bad part is I know my story isn't that rough, but I never thought it would happen, I'm just looking for support. That its ok to forgive and fall back in love. Thank You.

MovingUpward posted 10/11/2013 10:09 AM

Welcome to SI.

Your story might not have the twists and turns that other have, but it doesn't diminish the pain of betrayal. Try not to sweep this under the rug and make yourself feel that you shouldn't feel betrayed and hurt. These need to be addressed and worked through in order for you to heal from things.

There is nothing wrong with forgiving and falling back in love. And there is nothing wrong if you feel that you can't do it and have to walk away. You are now on your own journey with your Husband. The two of you will choose the paths to take and that will determine where your marriage ends up.

Use the site for learning and support. Read through posts and the healing library, helping others along the way can be uplifting too. Keep posting with any questions you have or to work through your feelings.

ascian posted 10/11/2013 10:11 AM

I'm sorry that you find yourself here. My wife and I are working on reconciliation and are two months out from D-Day as well.

It's a rough trip, but it sounds like you know what you want, and have a plan to get there. You'll get a lot of information from here, some of it not what you want to hear right now, but most of it well-intentioned and good (Look a couple posts up from yours, that "What a BS needs to know to protect themselves Financially" is a good, if uncomfortable, read).

LearnToLoveAgain posted 10/11/2013 10:37 AM

I feel like i'm on the teetering point. Somedays everything is great and I feel confident we can get past this mistake, and others I want to just get out and run away. I know I truly want to work this out, we have a child and a whole life together to just throw it away cause of his stupid mistake. Sometimes I feel like i'm trivializing it casue he didn't go through with everything, but the counselor says i'm not at all, that she understands. I think it hurts too cause people know, and that's embarrassing to me.

megs56 posted 10/11/2013 18:02 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have a lot of advice since I am 2 month out from my last Dday and about 3.5 months from the 1st one, so I am pretty new to this. But I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you have been hurt.

I think that any type of betrayal is extremely hurtful. All of our stories are different, but we are all hurting and that's what connects all of us on this forum. Do not compare your situation to others. You have every right to feel the way you do and don't try to diminish your pain because you don't feel like your situation is as bad as others. I do understand that though. Since my WBF only did stuff online and through messaging I have felt like that before, but lies and betrayal hurt no matter what.

Hugs to you!