Me: BS/FWH 47
Our 11th anniversary was this last Saturday. A few days before, I started triggering really bad about last year's anniversary.
Last year, for our 10th anniversary, wife was NC with OM about 1 month. She picks me up from work and we start talking about what to do that night. I think we just decided to go to dinner and then wing it afterwards.
Anyway, as we are driving home, she hints that she has something to tell me, but isn't sure if she wants to do it now. I'm in a relatively happy mood, so I tell her to go ahead. Are you sure? Yes, go ahead.
"I want to talk to OM again." POW! Drone strike right to my head. On our 10th anniversary. After all of the heartache and pain due to her A with OM, that is what she says.
I tell her that there is no way in hell that I am ok with that. My demeanor changes. My defenses come up and I am quiet and distant the rest of the night. We didn't go to dinner or anything else. I spent most of the evening outside with our dogs trying to get my head straight.
A few days before this year's I wrote up an entry in my journal about it and let her read it. Apparently she had forgotten about it. We talked and argued a little bit on our anniversary day, then we went out.
I had planned for us to go to one of our fave restaurants, but a different location then we usually go to. I had never been to this location, but her and OM did go there together.
We went, had a wonderful dinner and made some nice new memories. Afterwards we went to another restaurant where they had live music outdoors and had drinks and desert.
It was nice. I defeated a huge trigger. We weren't all lovey-dubby romantic, but we had a good time together. It was what we needed.
My point is, don't plan a super romantic getaway for your 1st post-A anniversary, unless you both really feel like it is what you want. You can just spend time together as friends, making some new nice non-A memories.
Her: FWW/BS 40
OM: 32 3-month EA/PA
Married: 12 years
2 Sons: 8,20
D-Day 2004 (my EA/PA, her EA almost PA)
D-Day 2005 (her EA)
D-Day 8/28/2012 (TT her EA)
D-Day #2 7/22/2013 (more TT)
D-Day #3 7/24/2013 (Truth 2.0 EA/ PA)