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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Lies
Emotionalhell
♀ 39902
Member # 39902
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't deal well with lies. Every time I discover a new lie. Past or present I am back on the roller coaster. I can't sleep at night etc. I don't understand how ppl can lie & sleep well at night.
How do you deal with the lies? How do you let them roll off your back?
I'm i just to sensitive ?

Posts: 86 | Registered: Jul 2013
Razor
♂ 16345
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In time your will desensitize. With some people if their lips are moving you know you are not getting the truth.

What specific lie are you dealing with?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Josephine01
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with you Emotional, My WH lied to me every single day. I knew it but couldn't prove it. I don't think many of us lets them roll off our backs. I would be willing to bet that a lot of people on this site don't sleep well. Then look over at their WS and think WTF.

Razor, that is sad that in time we desensitize from our W lies. Never thought of it like that. Something else to consider, darn it!!

Take care


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
mom of 2
♀ 11214
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm right there with you, Emotionalhell.

My X lied so much my tolerance for even polite white lies is zero.

Obviously I cannot deal with them. Not much help, huh?


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13338 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
Razor
♂ 16345
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Josephine.
For me. I have come to the point where if I dont already know the answer to a question I dont ask it. If my WW can lie and get away with it she will. Simple as that.

Lies allow her to avoid confrontation. turmoil. and bad feelings. She lies to avoid these things.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor, that is sad that in time we desensitize from our W lies

I think that he may have meant that over time, you stop being so astonished that you're being lied to. It turns from an anguished "omg, I can't believe he lied to me. Why does he do that??!??" To this: "oh. Another lie. Big fucking surprise" and you just go about your business without all the internal turmoil....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ 34716
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uggg, Lies.

For me, the continued lies were almost worse than DDAY itself.

Not sure how to 'deal with them' per se. But my wife has spent her whole life lying. From the time she was a child. Learned it from her folks, uses it because she is incredibly conflict avoidant.

She lies even about things that don't matter. The lies drove me to the edge of divorce on more than one occasion.

With me, I have seen her working on herself and work on being an authentic person. I have accepted that she can't change a lifetime of behavior with a year of counseling. But...she is making progress. So, while they still bother me, I do cut her a little slack...(not very much). (and yes..they are very infrequent now)

But do I think you are too sensitive? Hell no. All your trust has been destroyed and needs to be rebuilt. Every. single. lie. damages trust. Every one.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1309 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You trust your gut.

I know when WH is lying. The paper proof is just confirmation. I'm not surprised any more. Sad, angry, frustrated. But not surprised

It becomes the new normal. I found a lot of other lies as well besides those connected with women e.g. Financial.

The lies are as much the reason why I am filing for divorce as the PA.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Edith
♀ 38337
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like SDWB, I am also married to a lifelong liar. He also has been what I call a "recreational liar." I believe the lying provided the slippery slope for his A and will no longer tolerate lying.

But the long-term effects are devastating. PTSD, nightmares, panic attacks and anxiety. Back in the old days, I thought there was a line he would not cross, so I overlooked most of his lies as innocuous. Sadly, I was wrong about the line, he did cross it.

I am so sorry for your pain. Take care.

E.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 423 | Registered: Feb 2013
heartache101
♀ 26465
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My spouse lied to me sooo much it isnt even funny. Don't know what to tell you cept it will get better. With or without him!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3199 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Josephine01
♀ 38511
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just think that it is heartbreaking that some of us hear so many lies from our WSs that they become normal. Something like "oh WS forgot to take out the trash" sounds the same as "Oh, WS lied to me again." I have been really trying to decide what is best for me and my mental health.

I am not sure I want to live like that. I am just rambling a little because it is late.

I am sorry Emotional, Razor and the others that you feel so sad. It's is not a good feeling I know.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Sparkle0504
♀ 40379
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh how true!

For me. I have come to the point where if I dont already know the answer to a question I dont ask it. If my WW can lie and get away with it [s]he will. Simple as that.Lies allow her [him] to avoid confrontation. turmoil. and bad feelings. [S]he lies to avoid these things.

My SAWH thinks if he says something didn't happen then it didn't. He refuses to even look at the copious amounts of evidence.

Which is why things are pretty much at stalemate at the moment.

Lies, lies and more lies. What a sad and crazy way to live.


Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995


Posts: 257 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Topic Posts: 12

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