WH and I had been making progress, but in aug I started noticing a bit of a change. I reinstalled the keylogger and found that he is on the exhibitionism/voyeur website again and talking to women.
One lived near here and wanted to meet up with him, they went back and forth and then when she pressed for a hook up, he finally told her "Had an issue last time, not sure about going there again". They stopped.
4 others have been chatting with him and exchanging pictures.
Over the last 3 years, I have told him repeatedly about how unhappy I am that he does not look at me or touch me down there. He claims he does, but touching is infrequent and foreplay is infrequent even though we still have sex twice a day. He never looks at my crotch but will look at me when I walk out of the shower and uses that to justify that he does look at me. He looks online at pictures of other women's crotches ever day. He tells me he wants to give me oral (he is always telling the others he would do it to them) and our last discussion 2 weeks ago, I told him that why would he want to lick something that is so dam awful that he can't stand to even look at it. He denies he doesn't look at it. I just feel my body shutting down.
I am not sure about even bringing anything up, because he just denies it and does as he pleases and I want the keylogger unknown just in case he does meet up with someone, then I will know.
We rarely talk as I have been told that his life is pretty much none of my business. He had told me his friends, his work, his internet usage were all none of my business. I only talk about the above if he brings up the subject. We talk about the house, money, and the family.
I am realizing that I will stay with him, because I only worked the first years of our marriage and haven't since I was 35 and would not be able to support myself in a divorce as there would be little to split as we are still underwater on our mortgage and have little savings. He tells me we wouldn't be in this situation if I had kept working (mutual decision but more his), If I hadn't wanted this house (mutual decision based on needing more room to have his parents move in), and if I would have managed the money better (hard to do when he keeps wanting to spend on his toys and complains when I say there isn't money).
I just feel so lost and alone and you are the only ones that know and I can talk to.
If you are having sex twice a day, I am surprised that he has sexual energy left for this kind of garbage.
Feeling trapped is awful. I am in a similar situation, being older and not having worked in years, but to keep sane, I have had to form a plan for my own life that is possible, even though it would be difficult. Just knowing that leaving is possible has taken a lot of pressure off me, and has made me more able to deal with the whole infidelity situation.
Latest DD - April 2013, PA
I have no idea what to do since I am at retirement age. WH retires next year at 66 and I don't know how I'll even want to be in the same house that much with him.
As for sexual energy, he eats, drinks, and sleeps sex. Almost half his comments are about sex. If he could, he would be doing it even more than that.
[This message edited by purplebreeze at 2:15 PM, October 11th (Friday)]
Other than that, my tmi suggestion is to get a toy. He's not doing it for you, isn't interested in doing it for you and it's a good statement too. If he's not ringing your bell, you should be able to do it for yourself. :)
I have a wonderful toy. It is how I found out I could still make it, since I feel so numb with him.
[This message edited by purplebreeze at 4:22 PM, October 11th (Friday)]
I understand the money and job thing. I hadn't worked since 2003 when I knew I was going to be moving out in Jan of 2012. My kids dad pays child support whenever he feels like it and its only $300 a month. So I knew I had to get a job to support my kids. I went to work at a 7-11. It wasn't much, just enough to pay the basics. But the kids and I made it through 7 months with just that.
As for this...
"We rarely talk as I have been told that his life is pretty much none of my business. He had told me his friends, his work, his internet usage were all none of my business."
I DON'T THINK SO! That would piss me off so much that I would probably go live in my car rather than put up with his ass and it would be a cold day in hell when I had sex with him. If his life is none of your business and he isn't satisfying you, then why bother? Go talk to a lawyer. I'm not sure how long you have been married but he should have to pay you spousal support, and it doesn't matter if he can afford it. My lawyer told me that it is based on how many years you have been married and how much he makes. If he has a lot of bills then he will just have to figure that out on his own.
Good luck to you and please go talk to a lawyer!
[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 5:04 PM, October 11th (Friday)]
Many good thoughts to you. Maybe volunteer for a non-profit to get out of the house. It can turn into paid sometimes.
First you are in a cycle I abuse. Sex twice a day for sex is not healthy. He is clearly a sex addict. You ARE NOT STUCK. you need to go to a local woman's shelter and find an attorney tht will give you a first visit to find out your rights and how this will play out. You don't have to stay. You will also find there are a ton of resources for single seniors. You don't want a lot just to be happy. You will qualify for senior HUD housing of you too are of social security age.
You can break the cycle and you can survive and come out happy on the other side.
No one deserves this level of abuse.
(((( and strength))))
Also, check out www.sexhelp.com It has a lot of info about sex addiction. You could look into COSA or S-Annon in your area and will find other women there dealing with these same issues. I second what Tush said, visiting an attorney is a very good idea. Also, having sex with him twice a day seems to be a dangerous practice, if he is acting out with other people.
Start an exit plan now and realize that upside down in the mortgage means that you can walk away free and clear, even if you have to file for bankruptcy after you file for divorce. That would put you on level ground at least. Think about it. Really, what do you have to lose?