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Putting OW on Speaker Phone

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Ashland13 posted 10/11/2013 18:14 PM

WHY would anyone think this would be okay?

Since divulging XPervert's affair to DD, they have been putting OW and junior on the phone to DD every single night. She grills him about "there" and I cannot stand hearing it. How do you go numb with it infesting your house like bugs?

Why would even the dumbest post think this would be ok?

I did make some noise to put the kabash on it and am for some reason surprised at the things he will do that I would not.

How did we live so long with these differences?

And why would anyone think this was okay?

It was hard to not pick up the phone in the other room and hang it up accidentally.

It makes it hard to keep myself out of it but I am.

It felt like that`s simply too close to home for my "comfort" zone.

caregiver9000 posted 10/11/2013 18:17 PM

I have had to listen to the OW on speaker phone talk to my kids. It sucks.

I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes ... A LOT.

I still hate her. EVERY ONCE in a while I pity her. But it goes away quickly.

devistatedmom posted 10/11/2013 19:00 PM

Now, this probably isn't the right answer, but I know what I would have done. I would have told him straight up that his slut wasn't allowed in my house, even if it was just her voice. Each and every time he put her on, the call would end. Period.

Then again, I never did get to the point of playing nice about his OW. I made it clear what I thought of her, and if he brought her near my kids, it would be the last time he saw them. Correct? No. would it stand up in court? nope. was in our papers that he couldn't intro her until a year after he moved out....he broke up with her 2 weeks before that year was up. I kept the scum away from my kids.

peridot posted 10/11/2013 20:13 PM

I would tell him the phone calls are for him and DD. Not DD and the OW.

Nature_Girl posted 10/11/2013 20:21 PM


Phone calls are for the biological parent. You don't have to facilitate a relationship with the homewrecker OW!!!!!!!!!! RYFKM???????????????

Griefstricken25 posted 10/11/2013 21:05 PM

OW sits all snuggled next to WXH sometimes when he skypes (every time she's not at work) and while she doesn't talk a lot, she's always right there and her voice makes me want to throw up. And they're always looking at each other and giggling and whispering, WHILE talking to the kids.

I make myself very busy in the other room and often play my music and sing loudly (I have a pretty good voice).

Saadnblu posted 10/11/2013 21:28 PM

I think that's completely inappropriate. The house is your domain and you get to control what happens in it. I realize that he has the right to talk to your DD, but he does NOT have the right to invade your house with the OW. And how about your DD? How does she feel about that? I could imagine it would be very hard for her, too.

newlysingle posted 10/11/2013 23:12 PM

Oh man, that would piss me off! I agree that the call would need to end. Phone calls are for parents and children, not for whores, parents, and children.

FirstLoveGone posted 10/12/2013 00:52 AM

XH does that occasionaly as well. It used to bother me, but now DD is old enough that she can use the phone without it being on speaker.

I love that because now I no longer have to listen to the douche's voice either!

It's just another juvenile way of them to force us to "accept" their whores. Pathetic really.

ideservebetter45 posted 10/12/2013 06:55 AM

The calls are for the parent and child! Hell no would that ever happen! Although the whore doesn't bother much w my dd, I would never tolerate that shit!

hoya96 posted 10/12/2013 07:10 AM

My ex and OW FaceTime the kids regularly while during my custody time. After walking, happily oblivious, into my living room in my pajamas one weekend morning and "seeing" OW and ex in front of me, I made the rule that ANY and all FaceTime must be done in the bedrooms. (My kids are a bit older).

This way I can't be accused of alienation (my ex is litigious and antagonistic and accuses me of alienation regularly) but I don't have to deal with it.

ruinedandbroken posted 10/12/2013 09:04 AM

Ashland, can your DD use the phone without it being on speaker so you do have to hear that trash? I won't allow my kids to use speaker phone even when talking to their dad. His voice makes me want to vomit.

If your DD can't I would pick up the phone and tell her that the call is for DD and her father, not for whores and as far as what is going on over "there" is none of her business. If she doesn't comply, I would end the call. You don't have to put up with that crap.

Ashland13 posted 10/12/2013 09:48 AM

Thank you, everybody.

This floored me, to have her voice and junior's voice in my own house...and that he would think that was ok to do.

Since I wrote this thread, he did reply to my request to cease this activity and said that he would. I haven't heard it again, but it doesn't mean it's the end of could mean they'll find another way to do it.

I suspect that a lot of his pushing me is pushing from OW? and he's working double-time to shut her up and me up at once.

Still I wonder at times how he thought it would better his life to take on another entire family, with the same stats as ours, he tells me-ages of each DD and I are a match for there-it's eerie and he had to tell me this a long while ago-did he truly think he would have a greener pasture full of cows if he did this?

He told me I was too high maintenance and he had too much responsibility to deal with here-she sounds far worse than anything that ever happened here.

I don't mean to sound competitive, just wondering aloud how in the world he thought it would be different and fix all his problems.

I know, 2 x 4 I said, defenses are down.

Gottagetthrough posted 10/12/2013 10:10 AM

Each and every time he put her on, the call would end. Period.

yeah. im sorry. I don't know if I did it right or not, but I never told my kids to accept ow. I straight out told them she was not a good person and I hope they didn't grow up like her.

eff that stuff about one happy family. I've got morals to impart, I am not playing nice with some ow who might be gone before dinner.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:11 AM, October 12th (Saturday)]

Ashland13 posted 10/12/2013 10:15 AM

That's how I feel, too.

In divorce class and life when it comes, we're told that we have to do everything nicely, keep the peace, speak well about the spouse who messed us up.

When I was forced to tell DD "the truth", I thought long and hard and gave her the hard facts but also reminded her that these people helped hurt her...and very badly.

Whether it was right or wrong or will come back to bite me, for her to be excited about people who hurt her I could not stand. Don't get me wrong, I don't rain on her parade when she's happy and I don't argue about the glittery scene he's painting "there"...she'll find out, right?

I just want her to understand what these people are capable of so she can learn to protect herself and not keep getting hurt. And there are zero morals there to play house with a married man who just had a baby? This is who will influence her and it makes me vomit.

ChoosingHope posted 10/12/2013 14:56 PM

I sort of feel that way too. When my DS pushed me for answers about why his father and I were divorcing, I told him that when moms and dads get married, they make promises to each other, and that their dad broke his promises.

If my children ask tougher questions as they get older, I will be forced to tell them part of the truth. (Just nothing about his SA.)

I will not go down as a Bad Guy in this divorce. I did not know that their father was living a double life. I did nothing wrong.

And as for the calls, HELL NO. Not in my house. I agree with the others who would end the calls if OW got involved. Calls are for parents and children.

(((Ashland))) He's a moron.

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