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Newest Member: new2this2 (45757)

User Topic: Yippee. Toxic Family.
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going to another state today. Hate it. With every mile that takes us closer to it, the knot in my stomach gets bigger.

Those ugly memories of horrible years in my life, places where events occurred that I wish I could forget, people that I wish I never met. Then I'm reminded, had I not been there, met those people, I would have never met QS. Complicated little emotion.

These people are so difficult to be around. The common sense side of me says, "They're like that because they're wallowing in their own non-existent self-worth. They look down on others because they themselves are deficient."

It's so hard to remember that when there is 5 of them looking down their noses at you all at once. You feel like the wounded calf among a pack of wolves.

I feel that I have to look and be perfect so that I don't give them more fuel. And yet, even in the midst of that fear, I have a "screw it" mentality. Yes, I gained 5 pounds recently. So? None of their business. Yes, my eyes look bad. I've been working crazy hours with QS and got sick. Wanna judge? Go ahead.

But at the end of the day, I have this friggin' awesome man that stands solidly beside me. Not to mention that I've grown up alot in the last 2 years. I can see the attitudes, judgement, and manipulation for what it really is now. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it a while toxic family. I know their games. Now if I can just let it bounce off me without penetrating thru my "screw it" armor.

We'll go. I'll hold my head up high, be proud of my beautiful little family, and at the end of the day, I'll wash the nasty dust from that place off my feet and walk away.

Days like today make me wish we could be in a protective little bubble. But then, if we aren't tested on what we've learned, how do we know we've actually learned it? I "think" I'm a stronger person. Pretty sure of it. However, today will prove that theory.

Yay for toxic family.

Happy Saturday/Canadian Thanksgiving/Columbus Day/College Football/Fall Festival/whatever else you have planned.

#GoGators


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aubrie,

You can do this. I'm glad you and QS are there for each other.

You should be proud of the self work you are doing and the wonderful person that you are.

Fuck 'em! (I know, real mature, but hey... )


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38704 | Registered: Sep 2007
She-Ra
♀ 36033
Member # 36033
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you have fun somehow. Maybe there will be some unexpected surprises with some of the family. Like maybe some toxicity has drained lately? I know optimistic but hopefully it goes smoothly for you guys

Gobble Gobble!!!


WW/BW 33 BH/WH 34
Both in IC/MC. Finally in R.
1 year old beautiful daughter

Posts: 884 | Registered: Jul 2012
knightsbff
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aubrie,

Strength and peace to you!

I get the whole toxic family thing. Both my family and BH's work harder to suck us into the old patterns as we resist the temptation to engage. It can be crazy making.

You ARE stronger.

I can see the attitudes, judgement, and manipulation for what it really is now.
^This proves it. The first step is recognizing the disfunction, the second is staying true to yourself. Be authentic. Don't react. This is a learning/growing experience. It's good for you and your family. A teaching opportunity even. Love yourself, love them as human beings. Sometimes love has to be tough.

You've got this girl!


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1511 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
SandAway
♀ 37775
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope your doing OK.

Reading your post I just want to say "f'um, don't go" but I understand that that just may not be an option. Besides, it takes a bigger person to swallow their pride and see these people.

Hopefully you can just attend the mandatory get togethers and take the other days for you, QS & the kids to do some fun sightseeing and family stuff!

((Aubrie))


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 439 | Registered: Dec 2012
outtamymind
♂ 33607
Member # 33607
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Aubrie,

Just wanted to say hi and let you know that I admire your dedication to working on things. When I read your posts, they inspire me to work on myself.

Quite often, you give me things to think about.

I don't post often, but I'm here lurking quite a bit.

Thanks for posting.


Me: FWS 45

Divorced


Posts: 340 | Registered: Oct 2011
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to see you again outtamymind.

Thanks for the support guys and gals. Really appreciate it. We survived. It was actually...dare I say it...really nice. One BIL is visiting from out of state and is staying with QS and I for a couple nights.

After the shin-dig last night, BIL, QS, and I were talking about how much the family dynamic has changed. How different last night was from years prior. MIL was not there. She isn't a part of our family now by her choice. And things are completely different.

Those at the get-together are not all buddy-buddy, we're not all super close, but it was pleasant. There were no undercurrents of drama, resentment, and bitterness. Which is what MIL brought to the table. Doesn't matter who you are, what your class and station is, she will resent you for something. BIL was sharing his own experiences and stories from other family members how her anger and resentment cast a shadow over everything.

Honestly, I feel bad for the woman. She's in a hell. She had a crappy early life. And instead of picking herself up and finding a way out of the mess, she wallowed herself deeper in. She lost sight of everyone and everything and has self-medicated thru destructive ways. And now she's completely consumed with anger, resentment, and hate. And she's all alone. That's really sad to see.

Also, way back in the day, BIL was one of my only friends when I was dating my emotionally abusive BF. And I was only "allowed" to be friends with him because he was my boyfriend's buddy. Anyway, last night BIL was talking about things from our past and he validated alot of stuff that I've struggled with in my mind. Even brought up a few things that I had forgotten.

As I've been dealing with this whole healing thing, I've sometimes questioned myself. Did it really happen that way? Is my perception off? Am I crazy? However, as I sat there and listened to BIL, it all came back to me afresh and I know I'm not imagining things. I'm really not crazy. (Some of you may think that's still up for debate)

So yeah. That's over and done with. It was the first time in 5 years that all the kids, spouses, and grandchildren were together. Very cool. Now I get to pack for our other trip. Leaving bright and early in the morning!


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Sal1995
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

#GoGators

Aubrie, you had me up to that point. I was with you all the way. Then you dropped that bomb. Go Dawgs!


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1488 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dawgs and Gators do battle on November 2nd. Dun. Dun. Dunnnnn.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
knightsbff
♀ 36853
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great news Aubrie!!!

So glad it went well for you.

Geaux Tigers!


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1511 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Topic Posts: 10

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