Going to another state today. Hate it. With every mile that takes us closer to it, the knot in my stomach gets bigger.
Those ugly memories of horrible years in my life, places where events occurred that I wish I could forget, people that I wish I never met. Then I'm reminded, had I not been there, met those people, I would have never met QS. Complicated little emotion.
These people are so difficult to be around. The common sense side of me says, "They're like that because they're wallowing in their own non-existent self-worth. They look down on others because they themselves are deficient."
It's so hard to remember that when there is 5 of them looking down their noses at you all at once. You feel like the wounded calf among a pack of wolves.
I feel that I have to look and be perfect so that I don't give them more fuel. And yet, even in the midst of that fear, I have a "screw it" mentality. Yes, I gained 5 pounds recently. So? None of their business. Yes, my eyes look bad. I've been working crazy hours with QS and got sick. Wanna judge? Go ahead.
But at the end of the day, I have this friggin' awesome man that stands solidly beside me. Not to mention that I've grown up alot in the last 2 years. I can see the attitudes, judgement, and manipulation for what it really is now. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it a while toxic family. I know their games. Now if I can just let it bounce off me without penetrating thru my "screw it" armor.
We'll go. I'll hold my head up high, be proud of my beautiful little family, and at the end of the day, I'll wash the nasty dust from that place off my feet and walk away.
Days like today make me wish we could be in a protective little bubble. But then, if we aren't tested on what we've learned, how do we know we've actually learned it? I "think" I'm a stronger person. Pretty sure of it. However, today will prove that theory.
Yay for toxic family.
Happy Saturday/Canadian Thanksgiving/Columbus Day/College Football/Fall Festival/whatever else you have planned.
#GoGators