2 weeks ago today, at this time, I was taking a shower, washing the blood of 2 young men off my hands, arms and legs.
Two young lives ended that day. The 21 year old died shortly after the wreck that happened less than a mile from my home. His 23 year old brother was released from the hospital Monday, immediately arrested and charged with felony DUI. DUI. At freaking 10am on a Saturday morning.
The last 2 weeks have been so hard for me, JM and our ds14 who witnessed the entire horrible scene. DS is having a hard time sleeping. We talked to him last night about going back to the counselor he saw in 2012. He says he thinks he's going to be okay and wants to just keep talking to me and JM. I told him we'd be watching him and that I might ultimately make the decision for him if I feel he needs it.
I've been having panic attacks while driving. My work commute is about half an hour and most of it is interstate. There is traffic, a good bit of it. And I'm driving like an old lady, gripping the wheel with tears streaming down my face.
Yesterday, on my way in to work, it started to happen and I got pissed. I decided that I was done with that crap and turned on one of my favorite CDs. Cranked it up as loud as it would go. And I took back that territory. I made it home last night without crying.
I'm really feeling much more of the anger now than the shock and sadness. I'm pissed. Pissed that this kid destroyed his life, killed his brother, blew up his family, and changed so many people forever. I'm angry about what was taken from my son, from me and JM.
But I can see the other side, now, as I'm crossing this swamp that life threw me into. And there is so much good. Because we are a family. JM, DS and I are holding together, supporting each other, talking, listening. We're gonna be okay. I'm gonna be okay.
Please keep praying for Nick and his family. Because they're not gonna be okay for a very long time, if ever.