There seems to be much less out there about regaining respect. I have no respect for WH right now. I know there were some pre-A issues making this problem worse in our case but I'm guessing this might be an issue in other relationships.
It worries me because so many of the marriage books talk about how men need respect and admiration from their wives and how contempt is a destroyer of marriages. So how do we start respecting our WSs again. I know I will someday be able to forgive and accept with time but respect seems so much more difficult.
I think this is slowly changing over time, but it's taking a while...
genuinely thinking the other person was better than you in some profound way
Wow. That is not how I define respect.
I have been wondering how on earth I will ever dredge up any respect for my fWH ever again, because when I look at him all I see is, as Blobette said "this seething mess of out-of-control, childish neediness"
How can I respect someone who would do all those deeply disgusting things, without a moment's guilt or shame? Right now I have ZERO respect.
I respect the guts it takes to stay with me and really listen when I'm heartbroken or furious. It takes a ton of self control to stop the instinct to defend himself. He keeps owning his shit in words and actions.
I respect the hard work he's done to come out of denial and face an abusive childhood. He had lied to himself for so long and it was deeply scary and painful for him to stop and admit the truth.
I admire him for the strength of character it takes to be honest about what he did, to feel huge shame, but to refuse to get stuck in a pity party or go back to denial. Instead, he is starting to go beyond the self-disgust and become a better person who will not do anything like this again.
I can't and never will respect his decision to engage in the affair. That can only be repaired for me with true and constant remorse, and me making regular checks with him about what he feels about his betrayal NOW. I told him that I cannot stay in our M if he holds on to any justifications or sees the A as something that was inevitable. It's hard slugging, but my needs are being met - and I have some respect for him from that.