I can see the boundaries for others, but as a rather empathetic person myself, I guess I hope for some level of empathy even when that person is not familiar with the problem in question.
However, it is easy to find yourself in a negative cycle, and it's not healthy for those that care to support that. BUT, that has to be balanced with some level of reference for what the person is going through.
Very few people in my world have any level of experience with infidelity, and in particular, the crazy I experienced in the destruction of my marriage. However, all of my friends have been beyond incredible. I've been SO fortunate.
I've remained close to his family, but I think his mom has a hard time with understanding, but I think that's because she's almost 80 and just wants all to be okay. His sister has been great. My family has been pretty good, though my mom has never been the most supportive, so I don't think she gets it either.
I'm not trying to live in it, and I feel so much more removed, esp once I hit the two year mark post D, but on occasion I do still feel a bit annoyed. NO ONE deserves to destroy another's life so selfishly and with so many lies and misrepresentations of what actually occurred. And THEN to move on with the AP as if our marriage never mattered. Ugh....I'm not sad anymore, but it still pisses me off a bit.
But I am working on it, and this post is really helpful.
[This message edited by persevere at 10:37 PM, October 14th (Monday)]
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.