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Newest Member: scorchedearth (60708)

User Topic: The other costs of adultery
♂ 40606
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is way down on the list of personal concerns about a WS and A, but seeing all the posts here makes me wonder about the broader financial impact of infidelity. My XWW would come home from work and spend an hour complaining to me about how difficult her job was, how management was giving her a hard time, how incompetent some of her co-workers were, how there was no money for important items. All of that time, she was wasting time at work pursuing her A. Of course her performance suffered. She was communicating with OM via phone and mail, flirting, fantasizing, and making plans to meet. She insisted on attending conferences so she could see him, booked travel, and extended business trips. In one letter to OM, she worried about whether it might look suspicious if she and OM booked just one room for the two of them at a conference - - which of them would take the risk of not submitting a hotel bill for expense reimbursement to their respective employer. Not wanting to waste an empty room, the solution was to extend the business trip and have each pay for 2 nights so it would "look right". If you multiply this by all the cheaters out there, it must come to billions of dollars spent or wasted in an underground economy. You hear estimates in the press about the cost of the illegal drug trade. You even hear estimates of the cost of the productivity lost during the NCAA March Madness basketball tournament. But you never hear about the extensive economic impact of A in America. I wonder if HR departments discuss this beyond the more narrow concerns of sexual harassment lawsuits. I know you cannot legislate morality. I work for a drug-free, smoke-free environment - - costs that are easy to quantify. I wonder if any business appreciates how much A is really costing them.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 39906
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great point. In our business We have something similar to an audit twice a week after hours. After 18 years, My husband suddenly "needed" the OW help on these nights. No one else was capable he said. She's one of the highest paid employee's we have. Once I found out something was going on and got involved in the business myself, wouldn't you know that he no longer needed her help on those two late nights.

Posts: 1825 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know about the financial impact at STBXH's work, but the impact at home has been devastating. I'm a SAHM, and we were just getting by. Because of the A, we have legal fees and rent on STBXH's apartment. As a result, we can't pay our mortgage. We're going to default on the loan.

I wonder how many other foreclosures are the result of A.

One day
I'm gonna forget your name,
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain. - "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 3390 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♂ 40606
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder how many other foreclosures are the result of A.

So sorry to hear that. Acknowledging that the personal and emotional impact to families is much more important than the economic impact to businesses, I bet you are right. They talk about job loss, medical bills and accidents being a major cause of home foreclosures. Next on the list could be spouses caught with their pants around their ankles. And it's damn hard to contribute to the local economy, support the schools, and contribute to charity if your wallet is down by your ankles while your home is on the auction block.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure the economic impact of an A does affect companies, beyond just the possibility of sexual harassment lawsuits. When time is wasted on personal emails and texting- less work is being done. When workers are having sex, that is time taken away from the job. You mentioned the business trip thing- you bet! I can only imagine the economical problems.

Additionally, there are huge financial costs associated with affairs that I am sure affect many couples personally. When the WS pays for a hotel, dinners, their personal costs associated with better grooming (haircuts, shaving, new clothes, new undies), gas, for "naughty toys"...that is money taken out of the family budget. I don't know about all of you here, but my H and I have about $500 when all our bills, gas, food, and daycare is paid at the end of the month. That money goes into savings towards our vacation, or fixing things around the house, or in a rainy day fund in case someone's car breaks down. We have barely started a college fund for DD. Affairs are too expensive- thank god he didn't spend any money.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."

Posts: 879 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The cost to my children will be staggering. Thanks to STBX's choice to be an adulterous bastard, our life savings is depleted. Our children will possibly not even get to attend college unless they make fantastic grades & are awarded scholarships & grants. STBX has made sure to put wording in our divorce decree (not yet final) that his obligation towards them ends at midnight when they turn 18. Considering that I can't even get a minimum wage job, I'm going to be scraping the barrel just to keep the lights on. Forget me paying for their college.

It's devastating.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♂ 40606
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am thinking of the old Watergate line... "Follow the money." Those have proved to be words to live by. When in doubt, follow the money.

Unfortunately, some people only care when money is involved and significant in amount. The cost of A is far more significant than people realize. So long as A is cheap, it will grow. When it becomes too expensive to tolerate, people decide they can no longer shoulder the cost, and it will begin to diminish.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
♂ 40606
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think of the industries that make money from A. Let's be real... there are hotels that need that commerce. Victoria's Secret could have a separate line of business just for cheaters. Cosmo magazine should pay an A tax. Trojan condoms could kick in some money. If only police pulled over cheaters.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
♂ 40606
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last example... "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off".

How about a dollar from every bottle of tequila goes to the BS?

It's a win-win-lose.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 37439
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Naturegirl that is so heartbreaking.

I went to a concert the other night through wh's work for free. I was talking to the band that was from America and they were saying that they don't think they will ever pay off their debt.

International artists.

Haha maybe you should drag them to AUS and get them as Australian citizens? You would be oceans away from your awful ex as well. No upfront uni payments and so much cheaper.

In all seriousness I'm so sorry. Hopefully they will be able to get scholarships!

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 10

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